Jacek

Today was my day to work on establishing my coaching business. I had been working on my values, purpose, self-actualisation, strength, natural gifts, passions, contribution and life goals. I came to some conclusions and I was pleased with the results. My life purpose is it to help others to engage in  jobs/occupations leading to self-actualisation.

 Beautiful, isn’t it?

I felt I achieved a lot for the day so I decided to go for a walk.

My contacts with Poland, after many years of hardly visiting the country, re-started nine years ago. It was a different Poland then to what it is now after being a part of EU for nine years. I see it now as an affluent country, sophisticated, cultured, elegant and beautiful in spring. Maybe somewhat bigoted but democratic.

Nine years ago to see a “yesterday’s” men and women in streets was quite common. What I mean by “yesterday’s” describes people making their way home the next day after drinking that much that they could not recollect the time after their last drink and the time they started to make their way home. They looked dishevelled, smelled horrible and their gate was unsteady.  They needed to seek help of nearby fences, walls or more steady people to walk home. The saying “drunk as a Pole” was clearly demonstrated by them.

I thought those times have passed as I have not seen such views in  the last few years. Now I am not that sure anymore. Maybe this is not that visible any more but tragedies of drunken lives still exist.

I met Jacek nine years ago. He was a young man, a boy really. Sweet face, flashed with rather cute blush, smiling broadly and collecting money for the next bottle of something which would help him and his companions forget the reality and maybe even pain of living.  He had a good technique of asking for money and he was rather liked by his benefactors. He would say : Hello boss, would you have a coin, we are collecting for bear (or supper). The wording depended on Jacek’s assessment of the situation . All “ bosses” knew that he was collecting for vodka to buy in the neighbouring shop.

Jacek was never a well boy, I think, he may suffer from tuberculosis. Today I found out that he has epilepsy as well. He would say he has an allergy and today he collects money for medications. Officially, I mean. In reality it is still about alcohol.

I never had friends in Gdansk I could meet in streets so I will always remember how few years ago somebody standing in open door of a tram shouted in my direction : Hello boss, how are you?   Jacek was beaming his friendly smile at me obviously pleased that we met. He was not collecting money at that time. He just liked me and wanted to let me know about it.

As I was walking this afternoon, I thought about him, wondering if he was still alive. I knew that he was not well and that he spent winters in some sort of hostel with medical support but without possibility to drink alcohol. Spring was always his time to return to his old territory and his companions and to have an illusion that he is not alone.

He was standing in his old place, in front of the shop where he could buy bear or vodka to help him forget. He looked older, a bit dirty as he lives in the streets in warmer parts of the year. His smile was not there anymore. I stopped to have a chat. I always liked him and cared for him and never knew how to help him. Maybe he always has been beyond help or maybe I never was capable of loving enough to help him.

Inflation hit him as well. His collection went from 1 zloty nine years ago to 10 today.  I could have given him the money, it is an equivalent of about 3 dollars but I was painfully aware that this is not the way to help him.  I felt awful, a coach who wants to help people to live better lives,  faced with real life problems and wonders what to do: buy some food for the boy or give him some money to further hurt himself. Eventually I bought him cigarettes as the least harmful and possibly attractive to him. Obviously an inadequate solution.

The irony and sadness of the situation overwhelmed me.