The Hare with Amber Eyes

I have come back home on Monday, as per my hopes rather than expectations and realised that coming back to my normal form is going to take same time. I always liked to take it slow to study, reflect, organise few things. This is what I have been doing with some pleasure. Have I reorganised my filing cabinet? No, not yet, but my fridge is in perfect condition now. I even got some fresh food into it. I am learning to be an older person not in the best of forms but I hope it will change for the better again.

The netsuke which is the subject of the book

                                           

As I mentioned in my previous post, The Hare with Amber Eyes made a big impression on me. Still does and it has inspired me to start writing something longer than my posts. A book? Maybe, but what is important to me is that I started writing and I know what I want to write about. Writing for myself, even if I may publish some of it on a blog hoping for a feedback.

I got inspired by the inscription in the book that suddenly took all my literary interests:

Even when one is no longer attached to things, it’s still something to have been attached to them; because it was always for reasons which other people didn’t  grasp…Well, now that I am a little too weary to live with other people, these old feelings, so personal and individual, that I had in the past, seem to me – it’s the mania of all collectors – very precious. I open my heart to myself like a sort of vitrine, and examine one by one all those love affairs of which the world can know nothing. And of this collection to which I ‘m now more attached than to my others, I say to myself, rather like Mazarin said of his books, but in fact without the least distress, that it will be very tiresome to have to leave it all.         

Charles Swann

Marcel Proust , Cities of the Plain

I have been reading In the Research of Lost Time for many years and even if I have not finished it yet, the last time I stopped reading it was few years ago and I was in the middle of the part seven. Even if I have not formally completed the book I have read most of it and some parts more than once. I think I will always continue reading it. It does not seem to be a book I am ever going to tick off as read and forget about it. It will always hold fascination for me.

The Hare with Amber Eyes is about a netsuke collection initially purchased by Charles Ephrussi a Jewish-French art critic, historian and collector who was an inspiration for Marcel Proust’s character of Charles Swann. The collection was passed in the family and the book tells the story of the collection and the times from middle of the XIXth century to the current times. The Ephrussi were a Russian Jewish banking and oil dynasty extremely influential and rich till the Hitler times. They lived and operated within two centres one in Paris and one in Vienna. The family were known for their connoisseurship, intellectual interests, and their huge collections of art.

Ephrussi palace at Rue Monceau, I must have passed it many times all those years ago 

                                                

Reading the first part of the book about Charles Ephrussi’s life many memories of my own time in Paris came back with a considerable force. Ephrussis lived in a palace at Rue Monceau and the Monceau park is mentioned many times in the book. This was the park I walked to quite often to stroll or sit read for a while. Even if I did not know the word then, I was doing a lot of flaneuring in Paris. They were such good times…

That is how I remember the park

Jews always created strong and mainly negative feelings among many nations. I often wondered why this particular group of people distinguishes itself in such a way that the big part of the world could not accept or even tolerate them. The book partly answers the question saying that this may be their superiority on many fronts that is the cause of envy, rejection and attacks. My thoughts are not clear yet, but I always have been on the side of Jews and ashamed of Polish anti-Semitism. I think that I need to revise this Polish guilt complex as the whole world is anti-Semitic at times.

This is a great book to read while I am recovering from my hospital experience and adjusting to the new health situation. A little bit like the old times when I was a girl who each year suffered long lasting colds staying in bed for a couple of weeks to cure a head cold usually followed by a bronchitis. I liked the recovery time as it was my time and I used it mainly for reading. I also liked the attention of my usually busy mother who spent more time with a sick daughter than the healthy one. It payed off to be sick those days. Not so much now so I better move through this stage quickly.

Blogging again

Here I am again. Looks like nobody has missed me. On reflection, this is not surprising, but does not do much to my comfort and self-esteem. I am writing it tounge in cheek (or almost) and I must say that I got an email from a friend who noticed my lack of posts. Thank you, Hans, for your email which restored my better mood.

The reason for such a long break was the lack of a computer. I poured a glass of water over my wonderful Sony Vio and it died on me. I have been missing it for quite a while and I think it will remain in my memory as my favourite computer. Now I entered into a Lenovo time. First, I had to wait for it for quite a long time. It was longer than reasonable but the story is not that interesting to write about it. Now, I am getting used to it and discover one disappointment after another related to its looks, ease of use and functionality. It has been less than one week since we are together and even if I may get used to it and discover few nice things about it, it is not the love from the first sight.

Last Monday when I was ready to restart my blogging presence I was taken unexpectedly to the hospital. It was a bit dramatic as events including ambulance usually are and I was not given time to collect my essentials like my journal or basic cosmetics. The fact is that I was not up to using any of it the first night spent in the emergency ward.

Now few days down the track I got my computer and I definitely feel warmer towards it after not having it again for some days. My wonderful neighbours brought the essentials and spending the weekend in the hospital is not so bad after all. I even feel marginally better. No plans for getting home yet, maybe in two or three days?

In the meantime, I have wonderful books to read: The Hare with the Amber Eyes, We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves, The City of Falling Angels and my good and faithful thoughts of Stoics compiled and commented on by a young Polish philosopher Piotr Stankiewicz. I am having really a good, constructive time. The books inspire me to plan the future activities and re-discovery of the meaning of life. Maybe not that grand as the meaning of life but I look at my future in a more optimistic way and I am excited about my activities: writing, reading, reflecting and improving my living conditions. This is really about clearing my home from all unnecessary stuff. I know that I have been thinking, promising myself and writing how I will do that but so far, my results are not that impressive. When I get home, I will go through my files and threw out as much as I possibly can. This is a good job for physically weak person, I am going to be when I return. No more promises, for now, just the first step. It feels good even if the start may be modest, but it will be a start.

I will be back soon, this is just another quick start for which I do not set myself high goals. Just to re-start blogging and this is it.

P.S. I just had a visit of the cardiologist and it looks that I may be going home on Monday! Wow and hurrah! Not certain but possible and this makes me happy.

Adagio

 

I just saw Manchester by the Sea. It is a very good film and the film that moved me for several reasons, some of them rather personal. When a book or a film throws new light on my personal  life and helps me to understand myself and my past better, it has a special value for me. Manchester by the Sea is such a film for people who lived through a trauma. And who has not?

It starts with several scenes seemingly without a point and with rather simplistic dialog. This part lasts  irritatingly long and one wonders what it is all about. I must say that after seeing the whole film I realised that the structure of the film is genial and it needed the first, on reflection, not so boring part.

The film is about Lee who had been a loving uncle to his  nephew, sixteen years old Patrick, and suddenly, after death of his brother, becomes the guardian of the boy. He cannot deal with the new responsibility and we do not understand why. The scenes from the past show a different person, Lee was at that time. Playful, loving husband and the father of three children changed into a solitary man who does not smile, works in a menial job, is aloof to the point of appearing rude. Two different people.

 The film unfolds the story and leads to an extremely tragic event in the lives of Lee and his wife. The background music of  the scene showing the tragedy is Adagio by Albinoni. This music has been used as a background in many films and there was a time I considered it as expressing deep love and emotions related to it. At that time I did not notice profound sadness of the music. To me it was just showing elation that romantic love brings. I felt that it expressed my feelings of the time very well. It  is clear to me now how extreme happiness and extreme tragedy are close to one another. This sadness and tenderness of love are expressed in the Adagio so movingly.  When I and the man of my life chose Adagio as “our song” I did not associate it with sadness at all, such discoveries came later. With time, I noticed that it was used as background to many documentaries dealing with concentration camps. I did not like this associations, how could I? With time, however, I started to hear the other tones in my favourite Adagio. Tenderness and compassion that comes with tragedies are there as well. Sadness and acceptance of unavoidable. Dignity and inner quietness are there as well. Unbelievable piece of music.  I could say AMAZING if the word was not so frequently used in My Kitchen Rules.

I needed to break out from being totally in an Adagio mood and life recollections to return to reality, hence the comment on MKR which helped, but is obviously out of context . Sorry...

Now that my love story is over and trauma of its end is behind me, Adagio can be my music again. A bit sad, but still beautiful. Like life.

So this is what the film is all about. About trauma and the way of dealing with it or not being able to deal with it. Lee is not able to. But his wife does and she moves on. This role is played brilliantly by Michelle Williams. The scene when Lee and his wife meet coincidently after some years will become a movie classic, I believe. One of the most moving scenes of any film I have seen. True to life as well.

Michelle Williams had her share of trauma in her privet life. The relationship with Heath Ledger finished before his death, but even so the final closure was very difficult for the famous actress. Has it helped her to play the scene so extremely well?  I believe that life experiences make us wiser and better understanding human nature.

Great film, but perhaps not uplifting your mood. 10 out of 10 for me. 

Affleck brothers are people to watch and follow. They both already have great achievements to their names.

                         

Moonlight

It is very hot in Sydney and it makes my days lazy and no eventful. My little computer, after a water damage, is being repaired and I am left with the old one that does not function well. It is difficult to sign in and when I manage to do it, the internet connection is spurious. It takes a while to get to it and I manage to achieve  a doubtful success only by repeating the same process over and over. This is just like per the definition of insanity, so no wonder I  feel a bit strange. The cool change is coming though, so maybe things will look up soon. I will perhaps need to buy a new computer, but this is an achievable task. So with a hope for a positive change I gathered enough energy to start a new post. I have a bit of a backlog in my movie reviews, so I will start with the Moonlight, the film that made the biggest impression on me and is the second on my Oscar list after La La Land. I have not seen the Manchester by the Sea yet and this film may change my personal hierarchy. 

Three stages of Chiron's face and life

About the Moonlight then. This is for me a film based on impressions as I hardly understood the dialogue.  African-American slang, used by uneducated people from the circles of drug dealing and using,  is difficult to understand.  I did understand the story though and the moods the film took me through. Beautiful film, showing idealistic emotions and generous actions of people from the society margins. The film is about  Chiron and his life as a child, teenager and then a young man. Beautiful love story shown and experienced by the movie characters as tender and delicate. For me there was more tenderness and respect  in the relationship of the two boys and then men  than there is in most of so called “civilised” heterosexual relationships. No wam bam about it.

The film made me think about that so often we categorise people and situations without knowing much about  it. I am guilty of it quite often, I can see it now.  Dirty, potentially, drug addicts are people I want to isolate myself from. I am afraid of them, judge them as dropouts and move on to my secure, clean, civilised corner, often feeling superior.  The film shows us all another side of the coin. This coin, in fact, has more than two sides, so this may not be the best metaphor. What I want to say is that life is complex for all of us and there are many  facets to a person, good and bad. I know it sound like an obvious truism, but this film helped me  see another dimension of it. Drug dealers may have warmth in themselves  and a need to help others. They may hurt profoundly as well, in fact they do as a part of their dealings, but the film shows that they can do a lot of good on the side as well. This calls for respect.

The film shows a desperate yearning to love and be loved. Again an universal truth,   beautifully and piercingly shown. All together a very moving film which made me to reflect on some life issues and made my understanding of them deeper.

I warmly recommend the film. 

Academy Award Times – La La Land

It is a big movie time for me now. The nominations for Academy Awards are out, and it is very hot in Sydney, so air conditioned movie theatres are a good place to spend time in. I decided to see most of the nominated films and made a good start. I have already seen La La Land, Jackie and Lion. They are three very different films, stirring different emotions. The first made me feel light and happy, the second left me depressed, and the third made me cry. It looks that all three of them did a good emotional job on me. Does it mean that they are all very good films?  I am not so sure.

Surprisingly, I liked best La La Land. Surprisingly, because I am not that keen on musicals and at first I even decided to skip the film and then luckily changed my mind. I changed my mind out of curiosity but did not expect to like the film. My reluctance to see a musical was perhaps caused by some snobbishness and old belief that only serious films are worthwhile to admire. Feel good films have their place of course, but not on the list of Oscar nominations. Well, I changed my mind.

There are many things about La La Land that I think deserve recognition. The warmth and natural attractiveness of the main characters are amongst many others. Ryan Gosling has been on my list to pay attention to since The Ides of March. Now I can see how versatile he is and I will try not miss any of his films in the future. Very sexy too.

I was totally absorbed by the film and the story. The time of the projection passed very fast for me. Everything is pleasant about the film. The soundtrack, choreography, costumes and the story itself. It has not often been enough for me to watch a pleasant film and consider it really good on the strength of its pleasantness. There is a message or two there, but they are not that strong to carry the film to the verdict of being exceptional. 

I was not impressed by the first scene when the cars are stopped by the traffic jam on the highway to Los Angeles – La La  Land of the young and hopefuls. Suddenly the travellers jump out of their cars and burst into song and dance. This was a bit sudden and artificial to me. Not that musicals or musical films are particularly realistic, but too much is too much.

Here I will quickly contradict myself. La La Land is at times compared to The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, the film I saw ages ago and loved it for its tenderness, romantic story, music, some sweet sadness and the beauty of each scene. I see strong similarities between the two films and I perhaps should not complain at the convention which was never intended to be realistic. Maybe the film’s fairy tale qualities are just the reason why it appealed to me and so many others so strongly?

Here is a sample of the French version of a musical film - The Umbrellas of Cherbourg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqzQn15mFao

Since I have been pondering on relationships and their nature which according to my life observations are usually transient, this film gave me another opportunity to reflect and see the power and value of relationships which may pass but still propel us to another, higher plane of character development.

So, I warmly recommend the film and give it 9 out of 10.

My impressions and observations after watching Lion and Jackie will most likely come a bit later.

The Portrait of a Lady and Donald Trump

The Portrait of a Lady – Henry James

This is the book I just finished today and am still digesting my impressions and tidying up my thoughts. The book made a very strong impression on me. I was transfixed by it. I did not have any problems with concentration turning page after page for many hours not noticing the passing time.

I must say that there were parts at the beginning of the book that irritated me. I found the dialogues of two young American ladies annoying. The girls, Isabel Archer and Henrietta Stackpole, are so confident that they have answers to most life issues while in fact having too little experience and knowledge as they are so young. At the same time ignorance makes the young err with confidence.

It was interesting that people with much more knowledge and experience were in awe of this ignorance expressed so confidently by the two charming dilatants. On reflection, the girls were beautiful and fresh. I can see that their energy was appealing to the old English aristocracy, so the attention and admiration of the men was directed to their external beauty and unusual boldness in expressing their views rather than their beautiful souls.

This was just the beginning of the book, and as I liked the descriptions of the beautiful old English houses and the gracious living of the old gentry I continued reading, and with passing pages, I got enchanted by the story, then intrigued and finally fascinated. I started to see that the book is still very current being concerned with the timeless subjects still important in the XXI century even if the book was written in 1880.

The story of Isabel Archer, who is loved by three good men and then falls for one who marries her for her money and through his cruelty breaks her spirit, happens all the time in current times as well. Has it happened to me? Maybe not, but I know that one can not recognise a real value of a person and chase glitter instead. Isabel’s choice was based on admiration of intelligence of her man and his seeming lack of interest in opinions of the society. She saw him strong and independent. It is again the story of projecting one’s own values on others and resulting disappointments. Isabel rejecting her two suitors to protect her independence lands up under control of a devious and unscrupulous man. Here my feministic streak woke up again. The times of Henry James were the times when the order of societies put men on top of a social pyramid. Isabel accepted that as a fact of life and was obedient once she married Osmond. Her life shows the transition from buoyant independence and self-reliance through puzzling realisation of sad life truth to final sad acceptance of fate and resignation.

The story is mainly told through dialogues and the thought process of the book characters. It is not exactly a stream of consciousness type of book, but it inspired other writers to write in such a manner. Virginia Woolf, one of my literary fascinations, was one of the disciples of Henry James.

I said that my feministic streak awakened while reading The Portrait of a Lady. We live in the times when equality of women is severely threatened by the new political winds.  Conservatives of many countries come to power and demand that the social order with men of top is returned. Mr Trump is one powerful example of that. Yesterday was his inauguration in Washington, and it was also the time to conduct women marches organised against through the world. There was also such a rally in Sydney, and I decided that it is time for me to get involved. I went to The Sydney Hyde Park to see what was going on. There were crowds of women of all ages; groups of friends and the single ladies. I walked around and listened to the speeches. Those I found uninspiring and missing the point. The old story of Australia belonging to the Aborigines, while important to some, diverted the attention from current women issues and new threats coming from America and its new president. I also heard the emotional speech of a Muslim woman who called herself an Australian. Yes, I agree, she is an Australian as well as I am. Was it important to talk about it on the day? Not so sure. I have to make a disclaimer here - I have not listened to all the speeches so my views may not reflect the whole situation.

I did not take part in the march and elected to go and see The Nudes exhibition in The New South Wales Gallery. Lunch was good and the exhibition disappointing. One Modigliani and The Kiss of Rodin made it worthwhile for me.