The Chinese Curse

May you live in interesting times. Even the Chinese origin of the statement is apocryphal, and I am going to make adjustments to serve my purpose. I want to modify it a bit to say - May you live an interesting life and examine its merits.

This blog makes me look back and reminisce, observe my past and myself in it. This is sometimes like self-psychoanalysis. My life has been interesting and seems to continue along the same line. I mean, continues to be interesting. I have lived in four countries. I was married to three wonderful men. One at a time, I would like to clarify. I have lived in three exciting, big cities: Warsaw, Paris and Sydney and some not so big and not so exciting: Włocławek and Düsseldorf. I had the interesting and successful career, changing my profession three times. I have had many great friends and have met many interesting people. I traveled quite a bit; I walked on fire, I have learnt many useful and not so useful skills...  

I feel that there have been many, many changes in my life, many very good ones and some character building. I was born in a small village in Poland somewhere close to the Russian border in the part of Poland that is still considered to be in the Poland B category. This means behind normal Polish standards. The happiest times of my childhood I spent with my grandparents in a village where electricity came long after the rest of Poland was considering it a normal convenience. Then it was time to go to school, and they were times spent in the industrial town, I consider small. Ray from Mummulgum thought that 75,000 citizens constitute a metropolis. People have different ideas about things.

When the time came to go to Uni in Warsaw, I felt really small and insignificant, lacking looks and manners of a big town girl. I was tutored in the big city skills by my husband to be. He was a man about the town; smoking, riding a scooter, knowing how to behave in fashionable places and generally very impressive, perhaps not only to me, a girl from a small town. I caught up with all of that jazz in a short time.

The next major step was to learn how to live in a western country with my second husband, extremely elegant in his looks and behavior. Another need and opportunity to smarten up. I rose to the occasion again.

All of that may look like bragging, but it may be just the opposite. Recently, in discussion with a friend, I was asked about happy moments in my life. The memories of times spent at the home of my best friend came immediately to mind. I have many such wonderful memories, and I hope I will be adding to them with time passing. We were nineteen years old when we met and when I was first invited to her home. From the first moment, when I entered the house where she lived, I was enchanted. It was a quintessential family home, and her parents seemed to me, quintessential parents. Warm, kind, caring for their daughter and her friends. The place smelled of good, homemade meal we were soon going to have. I felt accepted and invited to this sanctuary from the first hello and the first warm smile of the parents. This has never changed even after the parents passed away. The mother left us quite recently. She lived 105 years and to her last day she was up and about making sure that there is no drop in the family standards. My friend took over the home and cooking, but I always recognised the school of the old lady. The cooking and the place itself have been modernized with time but with respect to the roots and the family traditions. To me, it always meant love, safety, authenticity, generosity, stability, and happiness. To this day when I cross the gate, I enter this very special atmosphere, and I know it will warm me up and restore my spirits.

My friend has lived in the same place since her early childhood, has been a math’s teacher all her working years, married to only one great man also a teacher. She retained the important friendships from way back while I lost many of mine through moving. She is a mother of a wonderful young man, happily married and a proud grandmother of a beautiful and clever girl. In my mind, she has all that I would love to have. However, I made different choices. I wanted to have an interesting life, and I have had what I wanted.  No regrets, but have I lived in agreement with my core values?