Little Pains of Attachment

As we go through life, we get attached to people, animals, places and things. Those are happy times when we have them in our lives. When we lose them, we experience sadness and the feeling of longing appears. I sometimes wonder if it is worth to allow myself attachments while I know that they are most of the times transient. The answer is hesitantly positive.

The thing is that attachments creep up on you, you really, do not make decisions in this matter. At least not from the start. But later on, an attachment can be reviewed and one can create an emotional distance to it or continue to build it up to its potential when you can be hurt by the disappearing link.

                                               

                                                 

In my life, I experienced many departures of people, I left behind many places I loved, many of my belongings are no longer mine, three of my best doggy friends passed on. This was associated with pain, at times even an excruciating pain.  Still, this means that I loved and it was worth the risk of future pain. What is happening now does not call for such a dramatic introduction, but I got surprised by the sadden feeling of emptiness and a  little sadness after my neighbours moved out and left for Melbourne. They were ideal neighbours, young, helpful, friendly and inspirational. Both of them interesting people in many ways. And there were also two cats Snow and Indy, they liked to visit my garden and I liked to watch them frolicking around. I knew that they were all going to move out one day and I did not think that there was anything sad about it.

Yesterday was their last day in the place and when I was coming home from my bridge session, the orange car belonging to them was no longer in front of the house. The sadness and sense of loss hit me unexpectedly.  This was not a pleasant feeling and I did not want to experience it at all. So I went on with my normal occupations, but some negative feeling lingered through the evening. This morning working on my computer at the desk overlooking the garden, I subconsciously expected to see Indy or Snow climbing the fences around the garden. And I realised that they are not in their old home anymore and they will not pay me a visit. Sadness again. Even now when the branches of the trees around move and the lighting changes I automatically lift up my gaze expecting to see a cat or two.

Another departure I will live with retaining nice memories and planning a visit in Melbourne where I will have two lots of friends from now on. The sadness will pass, especially that I will be leaving myself for Poland in few days. 

Denial

I am still in Sydney organising things I need to organise before my holiday, hence not much time for writing or thinking about what to write about. Even the story about my first boyfriend has been put on ice. It has been quite nice to go back in my thoughts to the old very happy and carefree times.  In the process of writing, I have learnt a lot about myself. It is also very pleasant to recollect the times, so I intend to continue the writing only a little later.

Today is Saturday and I thought I will take a break from the preparation to the trip. I went to see a movie, I rather did not plan to see, but it has been enthusiastically mentioned by one of my bridge friends, so changed my plans and went to see Denial.

My earlier reservations were about the subject of the film. I have seen so many films about Holocaust with Auschwitz as a place of action that I thought I will give myself a break. I still remember the primary school excursion to the concentration camp. I was so shocked by the exhibits that I will not be able to go there again. The pictures are still vivid in my memory. I shudder when I think that the place I stay at when in Gdansk, was during the war occupied by professor Spanner who developed the method of producing soap. I cannot bring myself to be specific about it.

Anyhow, I went to see the film and I do not regret it. Obviously, I do not feel uplifted this afternoon, but it is a good film. The story is very interesting and it did happen in real life. It is sad that life writes such good, but unpleasant scenarios. What is even sadder is that it is relevant to this day. The story is about the legal battle for historical truth requiring a proof that the Holocaust really happened. David Irving accused Deborah Lipstadt of libel when she called him denier of historical truth. It is relevant as in many countries neo-Nazis movements are more and more prevalent and often considered a sign of patriotism. For such movements, the truth of Holocaust is uncomfortable and there is temptation to deny that it did happen.

                                    

The film’s title Denial, has double meaning. The obvious one describes the subject of the film and the second one relates to needed self-denial of Deborah Lipstadt and survivors of Auschwitz. The accused, an acclaimed historian and a writer, assumes that she will be able to defend herself taking a stand during the trial. She also expects that she will be able to call on one of the survivors of the Holocaust. The team of lawyers, however, has different plans and their approach does not include any active involvement in the trial of the accused. This causes strong controversy between the client and the team of lawyers. The lawyers demand from Deborah self-denial of satisfaction voicing her strong opinions. It has been some time ago when I understood that often our ego makes us want to do or say things which really harm us. At work, I was often confronted with the situation when people wanted to argue their point even if this was detrimental to a desired outcome. I was saying then: “Do you want to be right or do you want to solve the problem?”. Clever question and I need to confess that I borrowed it from someone. I like the question, it hit me with its obvious truth and power. It is so useful to remember it at times when we want to fight rather than go in the direction of the desired outcome. Like in this film. 

There were two awarded roles in the film. One of Rachel Weisz playing Rachel Lipstadt (Academy Award) and the Cannes Award for Timothy Spall playing David Irving. My favourite, however, was Tom Wilkinson who played Richard Rampton QC defending Rachel Lipstadt. I noticed Tom Wilkinson the first time in his role in Michael Clayton and only then I started to pay attention to this very good and likeable actor.

My rating of the film is 8 out of 10.