Moische, you get yourself a goat

In Poland, there many Jewish jokes. I have been always against them as I take it as a sign of anti-Semitism. And here I am going to write about a typical Jewish joke which so much applies to my life right now. It goes like this: 

Moische is very unhappy with his home situation. His place is crowded beyond his capability to cope with it. There is his wife there, his in-laws, his five children, the dog and two cats, ten chickens and a little pig in a very small place. Moische is so depressed and almost hysterical about it all that he needs some help. Only the Rabbi can help.  Off he goes to see the Rabbi and cries out:

Oh, Oh, Rabbi. I can not cope with my life anymore. Please help me. In my very small house there is my wife, my in-laws, my five children, the dog and two cats, ten chickens and a little pig. I cannot live like that anymore. The children cry, my in-laws shout at each other, my wife is always angry with me, the animals smell bad and make a mess. Please, please tell me what I should do or otherwise I will have to do myself in.

The Rabbi thought deeply for a while, scratched his head and after a while announced:

                                              

Moische, you get yourself a goat.

Moische was very surprised and could not understand how getting the situation worth could get his life better. However, in Jewish communities Rabbis enjoy great respect and their verdicts are applied without much questioning.

                                                    

So, Moische gets himself a goat and squeezes it into his very crowded house. The  goat is not happy about the situation either and it bleats loudly in complaint. It makes even bigger mess around herself than other animals in the house. Moische is on a brink of a nervous breakdown. He cannot sleep a wink the whole night and wakes up with his face swollen from crying. His frustrated wife beats him up for good morning to top up his misery.  Things cannot be any worse. He runs again to the Rabbi with his new complaint.

Oh, oh Rabbi. I have never been so unhappy in my life. Please help me. In my very small house there is my wife, my in-laws, my five children, the dog and two cats, ten chickens, a little pig and now the GOAT. I cannot live like that. The children cry, my in-laws shout at each other, my wife is always angry with me and today she beat me up, the animals smell bad and make a mess and the goat is the worse off all of them. Please, please tell me what I should do or I will kill myself.

Rabbi again thought for a moment and pronounced:

Moische, you get rid of the goat.

And Moische runs home, takes the goat by its horns and gives it to the neighbour.

Returning home, the house suddenly feels like an oasis of peace. Moische takes a big breath, he feels relieved and happy. Life is good. He is very grateful to the Rabbi for his insightful advice.

Coming back from the hospital to the same situation that I was moderately satisfied with before I had to call the ambulance, I suddenly feel light, optimistic and full of plans for the future. My life is good again now that I got rid of my goat.

Sometimes Jewish wisdom is better than my stoic reading.

The Hare with Amber Eyes

I have come back home on Monday, as per my hopes rather than expectations and realised that coming back to my normal form is going to take same time. I always liked to take it slow to study, reflect, organise few things. This is what I have been doing with some pleasure. Have I reorganised my filing cabinet? No, not yet, but my fridge is in perfect condition now. I even got some fresh food into it. I am learning to be an older person not in the best of forms but I hope it will change for the better again.

The netsuke which is the subject of the book

                                           

As I mentioned in my previous post, The Hare with Amber Eyes made a big impression on me. Still does and it has inspired me to start writing something longer than my posts. A book? Maybe, but what is important to me is that I started writing and I know what I want to write about. Writing for myself, even if I may publish some of it on a blog hoping for a feedback.

I got inspired by the inscription in the book that suddenly took all my literary interests:

Even when one is no longer attached to things, it’s still something to have been attached to them; because it was always for reasons which other people didn’t  grasp…Well, now that I am a little too weary to live with other people, these old feelings, so personal and individual, that I had in the past, seem to me – it’s the mania of all collectors – very precious. I open my heart to myself like a sort of vitrine, and examine one by one all those love affairs of which the world can know nothing. And of this collection to which I ‘m now more attached than to my others, I say to myself, rather like Mazarin said of his books, but in fact without the least distress, that it will be very tiresome to have to leave it all.         

Charles Swann

Marcel Proust , Cities of the Plain

I have been reading In the Research of Lost Time for many years and even if I have not finished it yet, the last time I stopped reading it was few years ago and I was in the middle of the part seven. Even if I have not formally completed the book I have read most of it and some parts more than once. I think I will always continue reading it. It does not seem to be a book I am ever going to tick off as read and forget about it. It will always hold fascination for me.

The Hare with Amber Eyes is about a netsuke collection initially purchased by Charles Ephrussi a Jewish-French art critic, historian and collector who was an inspiration for Marcel Proust’s character of Charles Swann. The collection was passed in the family and the book tells the story of the collection and the times from middle of the XIXth century to the current times. The Ephrussi were a Russian Jewish banking and oil dynasty extremely influential and rich till the Hitler times. They lived and operated within two centres one in Paris and one in Vienna. The family were known for their connoisseurship, intellectual interests, and their huge collections of art.

Ephrussi palace at Rue Monceau, I must have passed it many times all those years ago 

                                                

Reading the first part of the book about Charles Ephrussi’s life many memories of my own time in Paris came back with a considerable force. Ephrussis lived in a palace at Rue Monceau and the Monceau park is mentioned many times in the book. This was the park I walked to quite often to stroll or sit read for a while. Even if I did not know the word then, I was doing a lot of flaneuring in Paris. They were such good times…

That is how I remember the park

Jews always created strong and mainly negative feelings among many nations. I often wondered why this particular group of people distinguishes itself in such a way that the big part of the world could not accept or even tolerate them. The book partly answers the question saying that this may be their superiority on many fronts that is the cause of envy, rejection and attacks. My thoughts are not clear yet, but I always have been on the side of Jews and ashamed of Polish anti-Semitism. I think that I need to revise this Polish guilt complex as the whole world is anti-Semitic at times.

This is a great book to read while I am recovering from my hospital experience and adjusting to the new health situation. A little bit like the old times when I was a girl who each year suffered long lasting colds staying in bed for a couple of weeks to cure a head cold usually followed by a bronchitis. I liked the recovery time as it was my time and I used it mainly for reading. I also liked the attention of my usually busy mother who spent more time with a sick daughter than the healthy one. It payed off to be sick those days. Not so much now so I better move through this stage quickly.

Blogging again

Here I am again. Looks like nobody has missed me. On reflection, this is not surprising, but does not do much to my comfort and self-esteem. I am writing it tounge in cheek (or almost) and I must say that I got an email from a friend who noticed my lack of posts. Thank you, Hans, for your email which restored my better mood.

The reason for such a long break was the lack of a computer. I poured a glass of water over my wonderful Sony Vio and it died on me. I have been missing it for quite a while and I think it will remain in my memory as my favourite computer. Now I entered into a Lenovo time. First, I had to wait for it for quite a long time. It was longer than reasonable but the story is not that interesting to write about it. Now, I am getting used to it and discover one disappointment after another related to its looks, ease of use and functionality. It has been less than one week since we are together and even if I may get used to it and discover few nice things about it, it is not the love from the first sight.

Last Monday when I was ready to restart my blogging presence I was taken unexpectedly to the hospital. It was a bit dramatic as events including ambulance usually are and I was not given time to collect my essentials like my journal or basic cosmetics. The fact is that I was not up to using any of it the first night spent in the emergency ward.

Now few days down the track I got my computer and I definitely feel warmer towards it after not having it again for some days. My wonderful neighbours brought the essentials and spending the weekend in the hospital is not so bad after all. I even feel marginally better. No plans for getting home yet, maybe in two or three days?

In the meantime, I have wonderful books to read: The Hare with the Amber Eyes, We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves, The City of Falling Angels and my good and faithful thoughts of Stoics compiled and commented on by a young Polish philosopher Piotr Stankiewicz. I am having really a good, constructive time. The books inspire me to plan the future activities and re-discovery of the meaning of life. Maybe not that grand as the meaning of life but I look at my future in a more optimistic way and I am excited about my activities: writing, reading, reflecting and improving my living conditions. This is really about clearing my home from all unnecessary stuff. I know that I have been thinking, promising myself and writing how I will do that but so far, my results are not that impressive. When I get home, I will go through my files and threw out as much as I possibly can. This is a good job for physically weak person, I am going to be when I return. No more promises, for now, just the first step. It feels good even if the start may be modest, but it will be a start.

I will be back soon, this is just another quick start for which I do not set myself high goals. Just to re-start blogging and this is it.

P.S. I just had a visit of the cardiologist and it looks that I may be going home on Monday! Wow and hurrah! Not certain but possible and this makes me happy.

Adagio

 

I just saw Manchester by the Sea. It is a very good film and the film that moved me for several reasons, some of them rather personal. When a book or a film throws new light on my personal  life and helps me to understand myself and my past better, it has a special value for me. Manchester by the Sea is such a film for people who lived through a trauma. And who has not?

It starts with several scenes seemingly without a point and with rather simplistic dialog. This part lasts  irritatingly long and one wonders what it is all about. I must say that after seeing the whole film I realised that the structure of the film is genial and it needed the first, on reflection, not so boring part.

The film is about Lee who had been a loving uncle to his  nephew, sixteen years old Patrick, and suddenly, after death of his brother, becomes the guardian of the boy. He cannot deal with the new responsibility and we do not understand why. The scenes from the past show a different person, Lee was at that time. Playful, loving husband and the father of three children changed into a solitary man who does not smile, works in a menial job, is aloof to the point of appearing rude. Two different people.

 The film unfolds the story and leads to an extremely tragic event in the lives of Lee and his wife. The background music of  the scene showing the tragedy is Adagio by Albinoni. This music has been used as a background in many films and there was a time I considered it as expressing deep love and emotions related to it. At that time I did not notice profound sadness of the music. To me it was just showing elation that romantic love brings. I felt that it expressed my feelings of the time very well. It  is clear to me now how extreme happiness and extreme tragedy are close to one another. This sadness and tenderness of love are expressed in the Adagio so movingly.  When I and the man of my life chose Adagio as “our song” I did not associate it with sadness at all, such discoveries came later. With time, I noticed that it was used as background to many documentaries dealing with concentration camps. I did not like this associations, how could I? With time, however, I started to hear the other tones in my favourite Adagio. Tenderness and compassion that comes with tragedies are there as well. Sadness and acceptance of unavoidable. Dignity and inner quietness are there as well. Unbelievable piece of music.  I could say AMAZING if the word was not so frequently used in My Kitchen Rules.

I needed to break out from being totally in an Adagio mood and life recollections to return to reality, hence the comment on MKR which helped, but is obviously out of context . Sorry...

Now that my love story is over and trauma of its end is behind me, Adagio can be my music again. A bit sad, but still beautiful. Like life.

So this is what the film is all about. About trauma and the way of dealing with it or not being able to deal with it. Lee is not able to. But his wife does and she moves on. This role is played brilliantly by Michelle Williams. The scene when Lee and his wife meet coincidently after some years will become a movie classic, I believe. One of the most moving scenes of any film I have seen. True to life as well.

Michelle Williams had her share of trauma in her privet life. The relationship with Heath Ledger finished before his death, but even so the final closure was very difficult for the famous actress. Has it helped her to play the scene so extremely well?  I believe that life experiences make us wiser and better understanding human nature.

Great film, but perhaps not uplifting your mood. 10 out of 10 for me. 

Affleck brothers are people to watch and follow. They both already have great achievements to their names.

                         

Moonlight

It is very hot in Sydney and it makes my days lazy and no eventful. My little computer, after a water damage, is being repaired and I am left with the old one that does not function well. It is difficult to sign in and when I manage to do it, the internet connection is spurious. It takes a while to get to it and I manage to achieve  a doubtful success only by repeating the same process over and over. This is just like per the definition of insanity, so no wonder I  feel a bit strange. The cool change is coming though, so maybe things will look up soon. I will perhaps need to buy a new computer, but this is an achievable task. So with a hope for a positive change I gathered enough energy to start a new post. I have a bit of a backlog in my movie reviews, so I will start with the Moonlight, the film that made the biggest impression on me and is the second on my Oscar list after La La Land. I have not seen the Manchester by the Sea yet and this film may change my personal hierarchy. 

Three stages of Chiron's face and life

About the Moonlight then. This is for me a film based on impressions as I hardly understood the dialogue.  African-American slang, used by uneducated people from the circles of drug dealing and using,  is difficult to understand.  I did understand the story though and the moods the film took me through. Beautiful film, showing idealistic emotions and generous actions of people from the society margins. The film is about  Chiron and his life as a child, teenager and then a young man. Beautiful love story shown and experienced by the movie characters as tender and delicate. For me there was more tenderness and respect  in the relationship of the two boys and then men  than there is in most of so called “civilised” heterosexual relationships. No wam bam about it.

The film made me think about that so often we categorise people and situations without knowing much about  it. I am guilty of it quite often, I can see it now.  Dirty, potentially, drug addicts are people I want to isolate myself from. I am afraid of them, judge them as dropouts and move on to my secure, clean, civilised corner, often feeling superior.  The film shows us all another side of the coin. This coin, in fact, has more than two sides, so this may not be the best metaphor. What I want to say is that life is complex for all of us and there are many  facets to a person, good and bad. I know it sound like an obvious truism, but this film helped me  see another dimension of it. Drug dealers may have warmth in themselves  and a need to help others. They may hurt profoundly as well, in fact they do as a part of their dealings, but the film shows that they can do a lot of good on the side as well. This calls for respect.

The film shows a desperate yearning to love and be loved. Again an universal truth,   beautifully and piercingly shown. All together a very moving film which made me to reflect on some life issues and made my understanding of them deeper.

I warmly recommend the film.