Things and people passing on

In the last weeks and  even months I my experiences have been marked by changes and departures. While I do not want to dwell on the negatives, I feel that I want to reflect on the events.

Changes in friendships have always been a big thing with me. I wanted them to last forever.  I thought that this was a rule, once you like somebody you like the person forever. But it is  not like that. As years passed I noticed that marriages finish, friends move away, close people die, dreams do not come to be....  Many good new things start at the same time and I find it important to keep track of them as they often slip away from my emotional radar. Rick Hanson, a leading neuropsychologist,  says  that our brains are like Velcro for the bad and Teflon for the good. So the trick is to Velcro the good experiences. This is challenging at times, especially when the bad is coming at you with increased speed.

My most painful of recent events was a death of somebody once very close to me. Our ways had parted and we both moved on with our lives, but I knew that we could talk, even if sporadically, exchange views on interesting things and help each other when needed. This chapter is now totally, definitely, painfully closed. I will not be able to exchange my impressions on Herman Hesse biography, that I just finished reading, with the big fan of the writer. And the book made a big impression on me and stirred me up. I will not find a warm homemade bread at my door, left for me as a surprise. 

Wow, I am getting too sentimental...

In a particularly challenging for me time, I had to part ways with an older person I had been supporting for some years . Dealing with rejection and ungratefulness was difficult for quite some time. I tried to find an explanation or a justification but eventually, not finding any satisfactory ones,  I had to except that one of the “beautiful friendships” has finished and I do not know why.

Corny? Yes, but cute.

I think it is time to stop listing my sorrows and focus on some lessons and compensations. Acceptance is the name of the game. We need to accept what we are dealt and play the game to the best of our abilities.  Like my favourite pastime – bridge - sometimes  we  have right cards for a game or even a slam at others cards are not good at all. Professional players do not get overly excited or upset, they just bid and play the best they can with the cards they have. Sometimes they lose even with the best of hand but they play on. If only I could be that philosophical always!

Once I have accepted the experience there is time for Reflection. This is what I am doing right now. New thoughts come to mind, new observations...sometimes even Learning. Then, there is time and opportunity for  Selection of Memories like creating a treasure chest of good memories. The chapters are closed, no new events will interfere and I am free to remember what I want without paying attention to memories  I want to blank out. This way I retain only the best of the past.   Is it realistic and will it work? I do not know, but I feel better already.