In a sad mood

I am in a strange mood today. Down in the dumps, as one of my old friends used to say. Maybe it is because it is eventually raining and the temperature dropped to the rather unpleasant levels. A quick change came almost overnight. I should welcome the change and I do, but for now it helps me to justify not the best mood I am in.

Coincidently this afternoon I caught an old interview of Kerry O’Brien with Clive James. So very depressing.  Clive James who in the past put me in a good mood, uplifted my spirits and made me laugh - today he brought my spirit so far down that I have problem to shake it off. He suffers two terminal illnesses and talks about it candidly. His tries to stay his own old upbeat self, I saw as a considerable effort. This saddened me a lot and the sadness lingers on.

So many books, wonderful.

                                     

I was always a reader and considered books the way to learn about life. Was I possibly misguided? In my first months in Australia I thought that it would be good to read something Australian to prepare me for what’s ahead.  Unreliable Memoirs were my choice of Australian education. I think it was a great choice, I really loved the book. I thought that if the natives have such sense of humour as Clive James, they are really OK and I will be fine in this country. This proved a correct assumption.

At the beginning I had great problems to understand what Australians were saying. The language seemed to be somewhat funny, with a lot of question marks implied and it was spoken sooo fast. I really got depressed listening to broadcasts of horse races. I could not understand a word! At that time I did not know that most of Australians did not understand that either, unless they knew names of the horses in a particular race. It was a puzzling time and I was learning to love the country.

Back to Unreliable Memoirs. Such a great book! So funny! I remember my 343 bus rides from Double Bay to IBM offices in Rosebery balancing with the book in hand, briefcase held between my feet, handbag on my shoulder and laughing out loud from time to time. I must have really read the book in the first two or three months since my arrival to the new country as it was only a very short time we were renting the flat in Double Bay before we moved to St Ives. Boy, there were the times!

This a new better version of 343 than the one i traveled in 1979

                                

Then Clive James was on television with his Japanese stories. My sense of humour was not all that well aligned with that and I lost interest.

Many years have passed between reading Unreliable Memoirs and finding Cultural Amnesia. I bought the book somewhere in Paddington few years ago, my Mosman suburb is not too good in this type of literature.  I was surprised that Clive James wrote so many essays about Polish people of culture, science and politics. I read the Polish parts, but I have lost the book in my life travels before I read it all. Now, that Clive James appeared on my radar again it is time to get another copy.

Thank you, Clive James, for paining my first literary pictures of Australia. Thank you also for showing me four Poles from a new perspective.

Who is right?

Poland, the country I re-learned to love and learned to be proud of is rapidly changing. It worries me a lot. People sympathies are polarized. Some support the new government some dislike it. There is a lot of hatred in people against the others waiting to erupt. One may say that views are formed by listening to the wrong radio and reading wrong newspapers. The question that I started to ask myself – is there here a right and wrong at all? The philosophical weight of this question is overwhelming and I do not intend to try to answer it.

There are two things that brought me to this point of reflection. Recently, I met a Polish person, who I do not know well. We have met each other two or three times visiting an old friend of mine. In the first contacts, the lady was nice and we seemed to have similar background and things in common. We had not touched political subjects until very recently and then I realized that our views belong to two opposing ends of the political spectrum. My first reaction was a surprise that a nice person may think that way. I knew that more than half of Polish population does not think the same way as I do, but I thought…maybe I did not think at all? Now I do and I am confused. Who says I am right? There are so many things that I am not aware of, there are so many lies on both sides and I may be totally blinded by my preconceived ideas. Or is it her who is wrong? Or maybe we both are wrong?

There is a lot of talk about hate being expressed by supporters of the current government. And I hate that! This is the point; I carry hate in me as well. In the recent conversation with the lady she asked a rhetorical question: but who reads such rubbish newspapers??? My answer was – I do.  This felt like a point for me in our talk which was fast becoming a verbal duel.

I do not like behaviour of the current president and in the conversation I used an unpleasant derogatory word to describe him. After reflection, I classified it s a negative point for me. This time I was an unkind attacker in spite of me disapproving of similar behaviour by the other side.

I listened to a very talented, passionate and controversial Polish singer Maria Peszek. Her new song Modern Holocaust gives a metaphor for hatred - guns under beds of peaceful people. Hatred kills and sometimes this is not only a metaphor. Since I write my blog in English there is little point to include a song in Polish, it will not move my potential readers as it moved me. After a little fight with myself, I decided to indulge myself by including it anyhow. The song is full of foul language, and is sung in a rather delicate voice by a forty year old woman who is really a girl. This is a protest song, protest against hatred and its consequences, a powerful warning for Poles. It made me reflect, look at myself and gave me a personal warning.

                                                 

Wow, that was a serious one. 

And I will continue in the same, serious  vein after reading the article recommended by Ramana. It is a great article, very well rounded and I would recommend it to my readers.

 It has been difficult for me to realize that I must be a part of “the elite that is cut off from reality” like Civic Platform, the party I have been supporting. Having read the article, and getting the message of need to remove the hardship suffered by the big part of Polish population loud and clear, I am still against ruling the country by hatred and revenge.  There are parts of the article related to miners and shipyard workers that are moving and my whole being protests against it, but the economical changes age going through the world and there is no way to stop it. Professions disappear as there is no need for certain work any more, or the work is outsourced to other countries. Gdansk shipyard was not able to meet the current economical standards, so people lost jobs. There is no demand on Polish coal, so the miners lost jobs. This is very sad or even tragic, but promising status quo is irresponsible and untrue. Solutions need to be different.

I agree that Civic Platform committed many sins in the eight years of ruling the country. I am one of the people who are disillusioned and disappointed. Yet, many of my fellow Poles do not even realize what they could lose by having voted the new government into power.

I definitely broadened my perspective in the recent days, and sadly I do not see any solution.  Will a new good wind of change come in?

Bridge Obsession

Since the February bridge holiday, my interest in the game increased significantly. I started to play intermediate bridge and this means that I was invited to play in the room where people play bridge without a social chit chat. It suits me as silence is necessary to really concentrate and I need that to be able to recall rules and conventions I should know and remember. This is not all that easy for me, at least not yet. I came across the statement that I like very much "One of the reasons bridge continues to fascinate players all over the world is that, in order to become even sort of good at it, you have to be willing to be bad at it for a long time".

This knowledge provides me with a great excuse and encouragement when I make mistakes, and I do make them plenty. Now I know that I am on my way to play well as I am willing to play badly. Only for some time, I hope.

My Monday partner, who invited me to play with her, is a very kind lady and a good player.  She points out my mistakes from time to time and since she is doing it nicely and constructively I do not get upset about it. I just learn.

This morning I woke up realizing that I had been dreaming about the last Monday memorable bidding. I must have been re-calculating the game points just before I woke up. In reality we played slam in hearts and I was bidding it! It was a simple bidding really, we had great cards and  almost all other players landed up in a slam contract. For me, however, it was the first time to lead an auction that finished with a slam. As I could not share my emotions until the game was over (I took all tricks – grand slam), my adrenaline was going up and up in silence. When we finished I said quietly – I almost got a heart attack. Partners laughed in a friendly way. They perhaps have not played for a while with such an honest novice.

                                           

Even if it was quite an achievement for me, I understood that it was not a maximum result. We got only 20%. We should have really played grand slam in No Trumps. This would bring the maximum points with our hands. The situation must have been stored in my subconscious and in my dream I was calculating points to figure out optimal biding. My partner first bid was 1NT and this means 15 to 17 points. I had 16 points so I asked for aces. My partner had two of them and this was enough for my poor heart, so I finished the bidding with slam in hearts.  All up, there are 40 honour points so as far as I knew we were missing 9. In my dream I was trying to figure out where the missing 9 points should have been. This is kind of crazy, but great at the same time. Now when somebody asks me about my passion, I can say without hesitation – bridge!  

Times of Fear

It is hot in Sydney! The third week night temperatures do not fall lower than 22 Celsius. And this only about 4 a.m. I never liked heat, but now it is difficult for me to go through days and be active in a normal fashion. My ways of coping with the high temperature are to play bridge in air conditioned rooms and go to movies. I can not complain as I like both very much. I am writing it in a way of an excuse, as if I needed one. I just came back home after seeing Trumbo and feel like writing about it sheltered from heat by my home air conditioning. 

The film is about Dalton Trumbo, a famous Hollywood screenwriter, who was blacklisted and jailed for his communistic political beliefs and declared an enemy of America. It is difficult to believe that Dalton Trumbo wrote the screenplay for Roman Holiday as a ghost writer and was not able to claim the academy award as his name was not included in the film credits.  They were olden days of forties and fifties of the last century.

Trumbo is a very good story. It is surprising how life writes stories that seem unbelievable. The Revenant seemed to me to be an inadequate fiction until I was straighten out and told that something similar really had happened.

Bryan Cranston is really brilliant. He became known through his role of Walter White in Breaking Bad. His role of an accidental drug dealer, he plays in the serial, is fascinating and he gained then a well deserved world recognition.  Breaking Bad is not my type of television. Too violent and the subjects of drugs and life threatening illness are not my favourite subjects. I would have crossed it out if it was not for a recommendation of a friend whose judgment I respect. Thank you Hans the Hiker.

Times of fear. This term was used in the film and I realized that this is a universal subject, still current in many countries. It is current in Poland. The new government clears the decks of many cultural institutions. Radio, television, films… and not only that of course. People are worried about losing jobs and finding new ones. This happens due to different political views and has nothing to do with skills, abilities, truck record or achievements.   Trumbo shows how devastating being on a black list may be for the people affected and their families.

Times of fear are horrible times. They destroy people and their characters. 

My personal rating of the film 9 out of 10.

45 Years

The film moved me. I stayed in my place for quite a while after the last scene of the film while credits were rolling. It finished abruptly and I had to adjust to the reality. It took a while. My attention was totally with the film from the first scenes, but I must have been simply spellbound at the end of it. Charlotte Rampling is really an exceptional actress; she has aged magnificently and with dignity. As one should; age with dignity, I mean. I did not know her early career, but looking at old photos she was extremely sexy and beautiful. It looks that she must have raised some eye brows and scandals. Now in her late sixties she is beautiful in a mature way and she can be sexy as well. A role model, really.

Before

and now

The film is about a 45 years relationship of Kate and Geoff. The couple is planning their 45 anniversary party. They are a happy couple. Geoff is a bit absent at times and Kate active and confident. Then, Geoff receives news about his first love body being discovered frozen in the icy glaciers. He withdraws into his inner world of memories. Kate is disturbed by the situation. Her confidence is slowly turning into concern and confusion. The story of her husband’s first love happened a very long time ago, but Geoff’s present preoccupation with the past surprises and bothers her.  She questions solidity of the basis of their long happy marriage. Can she really consider it a happy marriage? The last scenes of the film show Kate desperately lonely among friends attending the anniversary party and dancing in the arms of her love, Geoff. They dance to their music – Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.

                             

For me 10 out of 10 for the film and both actors Charlotte Rampling and Tom Courtenay. Oh, OK;  maybe 8 for Tom.

My personal experience is that we create image of people close to us so they meet our needs, fulfill our dreams and reflect our own values. If we are lucky and blind for sufficiently long time we can live happily ever after. Otherwise, we are faced with disillusionment. It may lead to pragmatically staying in the relationship or moving on hoping that the next relationship will be the happy one. Choosing life on one’s own is another option, not such a bad one, it seems to me.

There have been friendships and relationships in my life that I idealized and depended on. Not many happy endings, I must say, but I have experienced many happy years.  This is how I see it now. We travel though life together with somebody. Sometimes even 45 years. We are happy with our partners enhanced by our imagination. It depends only on how long they play their role well and how long they want to play the role of our ideal partners. Then some of us change the life travel companions… and so it goes. This seems a bit naïve but it happens to idealists before they decide to travel solo and only for short trips with some coincidental companions. I like this model. Some idealism is still preserved this way. 

Post Oscars musings

Finally Oscars are behind us. The decisions have been made. I got carried away this year with seeing maybe too many nominated films.  In fact I have seen many more films than I had intended. If I was not that enthusiastic I perhaps would not have seen either The Spotlight or The Big Short. As it turned out they had been two of my very favourite films. Then I saw 45 Years and now this is my absolutely favourite film. Still I would have been surprised if it got an Oscar. Maybe except for Charlotte Rampling. She was nominated for the best actress, but I somehow would not have expected her to win. I will write about the film in one of my future posts. The film moved me and made me think about human nature, life and relationships in particular.

My personal approach to films is hinged on their messages and psychological content. Aesthetics also have big value to me. I like to learn from films and clarify some complex life issues. I like to me moved, I appreciate subtle humour and  enjoy sharp, intelligent dialogue. I do not know much about technical aspects of making films.  I could not appreciate the fact that The Revenant was filmed only in natural light. After this year, however, I may extend my observations to some technical issues. Who knows?

I made very clear in my previous posts that I am not a fan of The Revenant. Just the opposite. I even do not like Di Caprio. I do not think Oscars should be given to recognize actors’ physical tortures. It was Di Caprio’s personal choice to play horrifically hard scenes. Was that dictated by his overgrown ambition? If so, this is not pretty. Just at the beginning of the film we are faced with the tremendously brutal scene of a bear mutilating the hero. This turned me off the whole film. I even did not have a chance to get to know the film characters and identify with any of them. I was not given a chance to like them or dislike them. I had to face brutal physicality and I coped with it badly so I may have missed more important aspects of the film.

I recently heard that The Revenant is a spiritual film. Coelho and Garcia Marquez  are mentioned as inspiration. Even if I missed the whole point, I am not going to see the film again. It was too painful an experience to repeat it.

I am very happy for recognition of my two favourites The Spotlight (the best film award) and The Big Short (the best adapted screen play).  And of course I am very happy that Morricone  got his Oscar for The Hateful Eight best original music score.

I have not seen The Mad Max or The Martian. For some reason I do not like fantasy or science fiction as a genre of literature or films. I tried to read some fantasy books and I even enjoyed it. Then it became all too much for me. It seemed to be an exercise void of value to me, waste of time really. Maybe time of appreciation will come later?

I have not seen The Trumbo or The Room. At least not yet. This means that my opinion on Oscars for the best actor and actress are not based on sufficient data. Nobody, in my mind, was really good enough. Maybe Eddie Redmayne? Maybe Kate Blanchett?

There are views that Eddie Redmayne played the role of Einar/Lili with only three facial expressions. A sharp comment and, to some extent, I accept it. Except for the scene when Einar realizes that in some way, deep down, he is a woman. This scene was played subtly and masterfully without help of the criticized faces.  Einar was scared, surprised and confused. The playful cloth changes suddenly become more… Great acting.