Books we read

                                                      

I belong to a book club and, of course, I read books not of my choice. Actually, this was the whole point of joining the club. That and the possibility of discussing the books with like-minded people. But, it somehow does not work for me very well and I wonder why. I always have been individualistic and do not like to be directed in my actions. Maybe this is the reason why I look at the club books in a negative way? I think, however, that there is more to it than that. I, often, do not find the books relevant and I question the time spent on reading things I do not learn from, enjoy or even approve of. The book I am reading now is Rocks in the Belly by Jon Bauer. A young Australian writer and his first book. I must say that it is well written book and because it is well written its depressing impact is rather profound. Does it make the book worthwhile reading? I would say that the effect of reading the book may be even harmful for somebody of more sensitive feelings. Like me. I have been reading the book for a couple of weeks now, I could not take more than a couple of short chapters in one go. I felt dirty, sticky, ill, depressed and generally horrible. This power of the book makes it perhaps a good book. I am asking myself a question though, how relevant it is to me? What does it bring into my life in addition to depression? And I do not find a good answer. One could say that I should watch a comedy show or a film or read a funny book if I want to be entertained. But I not always want to be only entertained. I want the time I spent on reading to bring some new thoughts relevant to my life (to any life in fact), even some answers to existential questions or at least some insightful observations.

Dostoevsky is not a cheerful lecture, but I consider his books worth reading, even if one should read them with caution. My literature teacher at school was saying that two Dostoevsky's books read one after the other present a danger to one’s emotional life, more than two present a danger to the reader’s life. Jon Bauer wrote only one book so far and I think it is save to read this one book, but I wonder why I should put myself through the process of reading it. I think, I got the message the author wanted to pass. People are cruel, parents can profoundly hurt their children psyche, bad is inherent to our nature, what you soak in at your early years will show up in your later life, cancer is a very cruel illness, sex is good to get you out of the dumps, if only for a short moment, we’ll all die at the end.  This is what I got out from the book, this and a very unpleasant sticky feeling. This is a very brutal book in my opinion.

The life truths the book reveals have been known to me for a while, I find them pretty obvious and not particularly worth spending hours on reading the book and pondering on the intended messages.

One observation, however, caught my attention and this is the uncertainty of what we actually experience versus what belongs only to our feelings, predispositions and imagination. The hero, who is unnamed in the book, wonders if the drama created in his life was a result of actual neglect by his mother or his own blinding jealousy of her feelings towards foster children who lived with the family. Reflecting on it, I am not sure myself what the deciding factor was, because both aspects were there.  The mother was not attuned sufficiently to her son feelings and sometimes behaved in the way I would consider neglectful or even cruel. On the other hand, the eight-year-old boy was predisposed to see live as negative and scary. However, a loving, careful mother should have seen his sensitivities and act with more care. 

I am glad that I am trough with the book and I will try not to be too critical of the book choice in the forthcoming book club meeting. Especially, that the situation will change and soon the members of the group will be picking themselves the books to read.

I find The Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara by far the best book I have read the last year, but this is not the book I will be recommending for the group. My three candidates are Pamuk’s The Red-Haired Woman, Ferrante’s My Brilliant Friend and the new Nobel Prize winner Kazuo Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day. I started reading the last book only today, but I know and love the film made based on the novel. So, I have high hopes I will love the book as well.

I am back at home

So, I am back in Sydney! I must say that I was not much looking forward to my Sydney day to day life. I was enchanted by European type of attractions and the time spend with my friends and family. I must say that my place in Poland is more attractive and comfortable than my Sydney equivalent. It is also much cheaper to live there and the shopping is really good. Not to mention the time spent with my dear friends playing canasta and chatting about nothing and everything. Going out was also a strong point of the holiday. It is good in a way that I am not tempted by Aussie cakes. I do not feel that I want to go for coffee at all. And this is one of the positive things I find about my life here. Poland is a carbohydrate country and this needs to be controlled by a strong will. Unfortunately, I did not do too well in this department and now there will be a bit of work to get back to healthier look and diet.

                                        

After one week, I am happy to realise that my feelings towards Australia returned to normal and that I still call Australia home. It feels nice, safe and comfortable. Like an old slipper as per Polish saying. I am not sure if it is used in English as well. Maybe there are no great cathedrals, maybe there are not that many parks and greenery around, maybe there are no rolling hills, birches, lilacs, chestnuts, maybe women are more casually dressed but there is something in the air that makes me feel like breathing lighter and the sky above has been so blue as I had not seen for four months.

                                 

I am happy to be in my home number ONE and plan my next trip in few months’ time to my second more complex, charming home.   Looks like I am a lucky girl.

The Double Lover

I have not written a film review for some time. Being in Poland during summer holidays meant that I have been here when movie premiers were stopped. This has now finished and on Monday the new school year starts and new movies enter the cinemas. Since my Polish stay is coming to an end I have the feeling similar to being in a departure lounge. I need to pack my suitcases, do some final shopping, organise and tidy up the apartment for the next few months and nothing more. There is time to spend.

There were a couple of new films on and I decided to see one of them.  It was either The Double Lover or The Beguiled. Both of them by famous directors Francois Ozon and Sofia Coppola. The Double Lover was nominated for a Palme d’Or in Cannes this year and I have seen two films by the director The Swimming Pool and Frantz. They were both a little ambiguous, moody films so I thought that this may be more my cup of tea than The Beguiled as I could guess some unsavory scenes in this film watching the trailer.

So, I went. I expected a psychological thriller. The starting shot was rather shocking and I will not go into details of it (too demure or prude for that), but aesthetics was rather pleasing, so I accepted it even if I raised my eye brows in surprise. The film intended to stir the audience and it did, but except for that did not present much more, at least not to me. The sex scenes were back to back, and this would not bother me if there was more of a point to it.

There are elements of psychology as the heroine has some problems related to cannibal twin syndrome blocking her emotional life. She goes to a psychiatrist and then promptly seduces him and turns him (or he turns her) into a lover. And so, it goes. It gets stranger and stranger and eventually the climax of the film indicates that her blockage has been removed. Hmm…

                                       

The actress is very beautiful and it has been a pleasure to watch her as one watches a flower, able to see just the shape of it, but not much behind that. And there are a lot of other flowers in the film, mainly orchids. I wonder what the film director wanted to draw our attention to.

To me it was a fluff which brought an unpleasant feeling of stomach queasiness. I would not recommend the film, but I suspect that what I have written may entice some to see it anyhow or maybe because of what I have written.  Such is human nature.

                                               

I thought more about the film or maybe my subconscious 😕worked over the night giving me in the morning a new perspective to the film. On reflection, the presented story is filmed cleverly, maybe even very cleverly. Subconscious plays very important role in the film and it all makes perfect sense when one thinks about it and synthesise the story a bit. It is actually all very logical when one reflects on it and recalls the scenes. Some of the film presents “real life”, some subconscious of the girl and some her sexual fantasies.  Very clever indeed. Yes, there are many sex scenes, but the film is French, so what would you expect. Apparently in France the classification of the film is for “Over 12 years old”.

Since I am not really a prude, my uneasy feeling in the stomach must have come from this cake I had had before I saw the movie.

I guess that my comments made the film a “must see” proposition.  😏

Shakespeare in Love in Gdansk

Encouraged by comments to my previous post, I continue the list of my recent Polish impressions. The next item on the list is the Gdansk Shakespeare Theatre and the play I saw there Shakespeare in Love.

                                      

The film, on which screenplay the theatre version is based, was popular, but I saw only fragments of it on TV some years ago and have no comparison to the recently seen its theatrical version. The play was originally produced on the West End in 2014 and the Polish premiere was this year. As I have not been before to the newly open Gdansk Shakespeare Theatre I decided to see the play together with my friends. We really wanted to see the theatre in action as all of us are moderately keen on Elizabethan style productions but this play was the only option at the time. What neither of us particularly like is the ribald atmosphere and language of such plays. While my friends kept their intellectual expectations of the performance, I went with the flow and thoroughly enjoyed the energy of mostly young actors, costumes and choreography of the rather risky and showy movements. And I loved the performance of the dog! Apparently, the English canine actor was also very good, but I could not believe the composure and quality of acting of the funny Polish little French bulldog. Generally, the acting was based on artistry of the movements rather than on deep and meaningful dialogs. It was fun. Basic and crude? Yes. Still very enjoyable and very well performed.

It is an acquired taste and it grows on you as one finds out more about its story.

                             

Now the theatre... I was again very impressed by its architecture, functionality and the technical solutions.  Walking around this very new and modern theatre a couple of years ago, I was disappointed by the black cube plonked very close to the old town. I thought, how morbid and depressing.  I guess that many may see it still as an unattractive building. I, however, changed my mind and am in awe of it.  Apparently, Gdansk was a popular destination for English travelling players in the first half of the 17^th century. Each summer the English troupes visited this Hanseatic town with their plays performed in the Gdansk first public playhouse called The Fencing School. The building stood at the same place as the current Shakespeare Theatre and it looked similar to the current building. Come to think about it none theatre has a need for windows. They somehow do, though, even if there is no need thfor it. At least they have imposing entrance with columns or other ornaments. The Gdansk Shakespeare Theatre dos not have any of that, even the entrance is pretty much disguised so the black cube looks very sombre. Similarly The Fencing Scholl was a no frills building.

The Fencing School, engraving from 1687

     

Inside there are three levels of galleries running along three walls. The theatre does not seem big and I was surprised to find out that has the capacity to sit 600 people. As it is the theatre in the Elizabethan manner, there is place for standing audience on all levels.

                                  

One of the attraction is the retractable roof that opens and closes in three minutes. I did not expect to see it in action and was very nicely surprised to see the sunlight suddenly streaming into the theatre. Early start at 4:30 of the performances made sense. We were supposed to see the roof in action as well as the play.

Renatto Rizzi on the roof of the theatre (the roof opened) . I like this photo, it shows what a small man can achieve through his genius. There is some loneliness in the image as well. They say creating is a lonely preoccupation.

                       

The theatre was built by an Italian architect Renatto Rizzi and modelled on earlier theatres. The result is a spectacular Black Box building harmoniously mixing old with modern.

Building of the theatre was a really international affair. Charles, Prince of Wales is its patron and he has been actually involved in some of the theatre issues. In July this year, Prince William and his wife Catherine visited the theatre to see a short play and meet people of the theatre. Links with the British royal family continue.

Returning to post

I has been a while and since I posted and it is difficult to pin point one reason for it. I had some technical problems and had to live without internet for some weeks. Again! I have not felt all that well as my heart has not been beating evenly and this slows me down. I have been having some sort of identity crises swapping Australian kind of life for a Polish one. The last is not really a problem, rather something positive, but I must say it is confusing having the two identities in me and swapping them depending on current place of residence.

For now, I seem to prefer my Polish life style to the Sydney one and I hope it will change again in few weeks as Australia is my home and I want to have genuine and positive feelings about living there. The life I lead now is the result of the choices I have made over the years. Nobody to blame or to thank for but myself. I always thought that the choice for Australia was a brilliant one and I loved my Aussie life for many years. Then few things changed and some of the things I loved about my life in Sydney disappeared. A lot good things are still there for me, but Poland is a competition.

I have been visiting Poland almost every year for the last decade and each time I stay in my beautiful Gdansk. I call the place “my” even if my adventure with Gdansk started only recently. The place grew on me with each visit, there is some magic to this part of Poland and I am not the only person who thinks that. My best Polish friend who lives in Warsaw also says that there is magic in the Tricity. She is right.

Even if I do not want to compare the two countries and understand that it is not possible to do that sensibly, I catch myself on random thoughts giving Poland advantage over some aspects of my Australian life. This is only a temporary feeling, I know (or hope?). I believe, I will come to my senses soon. But for now, I am enchanted by Gdansk.

What is it that makes me see Poland in rosy colours? It is definitely not the politics or general characteristics of the “Polish nature”. They are sad, confusing things that worry me a lot but I do not want to think about them now. Many small, rather insignificant things add up and make me feel comfortable and satisfy my need of beauty in life.

Old Europe has its undisputed charms and Poland and particularly Gdansk are a part of it. When I stroll to the green market I am already in the Old Town of Gdansk or rather The Main Town as it is correctly called. I make a little detour for coffee in the Long Market, sit in an outside garden of a coffee place; read or watch passers-by. They are many of them and various nations, as I am always here in a tourist season. This is like a sitting form of flâneuring. They are very pleasant moments allowing for observations of people and surrounding architecture originating in XVI and XVII centuries. There is time for reflection and a bit of philosophising. Life in a slow movement…
                                                              
                                                                     

                                        

It does not take any effort to pay a visit to local Museum to see the famous Last Judgement painted by Hans Memling in the XV century. I just discovered that the famous painting has links with Florence, the place that fascinates me.      

                                                 

                    

The exhibition of the museum is more substantial than it has been some years ago. There are wonderful medieval treasures in form of sculptures, embroidery, the gold and silversmith art. There is also a good representation of Dutch paintings. I left the place with a WOW feeling.

Poland is not a rich country, but certain decisions of the town authorities contradict that. If there is going to be a fence in the town it is made of a wrought iron and is of the old-fashioned design and quality. There is a lot of granite as parts of pavements and the cobble stones are individually placed when repairs are needed. Some years ago, I saw asphalt street being ripped off and replaced with granite cubes for the street to look as it originally did some centuries ago. Not a short street, I must add.

Rides by public transport in Poland are free for retirees, not like in Australia only cheaper than for those who pay full fares. I am not trying to say that the Polish retirees lead a good life. Just the opposite, Australia better takes care of its older citizens.

Tram stops have light displays showing the forthcoming trams and times to departure. And this is 100% accurate, no need to use the information from a mobile. While traveling on a tram, the stops are announced. I was rather surprised on one of my first tram trips when I heard the announcement sang to the tune of the Bizet’s toreador song. It was announcing The Baltic Opera stop. Just before I managed to get over the nice surprise, a voice of a small child told me the next stop will be the stop by the Children Theatre. I hesitated if I should not travel to the end of the route just to hear the announcements. I lately discovered that the two announcements may be the only ones.

It is very nice and decadent to ask for half a kilo of blueberries and pay around 4 A$ for it. Raspberries and strawberries are also a reason for a great indulgence at a small cost.

                                                                   

In my kitchen after the visit at the green market

I just realised that I may have overdone in compensating for my break in posting, so I stop here even if my list of nice things about Poland is not finished yet. 

What do you know???

The Polish president will veto two of the three controversial laws, the laws that would have finally buried Polish democracy.  Wow, I am shocked! This is a very quick and emotional post. I am just leaving for a spa in few minutes, no time for writing and even no time for thinking. It makes me happy though. Can I trust this verdict? We'll see, but my choice for now is to feel positive about the event.

Time to shake off the blues

Frankly, I cannot see any changes in the circumstances I was bothered by, the other day writing my previous post. So, I thought that I ask my stoic bible for advice. I do not like this feeling of sadness and lack of control and I want to change it. Will it work? I hope so.

Mark Aurelius said that we do not have to give in to negative feelings like sadness or frustration. We may not have influence over the circumstances, but we have influence over our feelings and reactions. OK, I know the theory and I agree with it, but to make this necessary change is rather difficult. But if I do not make the necessary change in my mood, I am told that I am not true to myself, that I do not use the opportunities that are just at the stretch of the hand. That I waste opportunity to live better. Hmm…

Another thought, this time Seneca is the author of the wisdom, is that a wise person must not wait for the external bad circumstances to be resolved before the happy life can be lived.  It is shameful to wait with leading a happy and full life till whatever is bad at the moment passes or gets resolved. It is silly to expect that there will come the moment when everything is perfect and then we can spread our wings. This will never happen and we would waste our life waiting in vain for a perfect situation.

This is the theory, I intend to apply to my day and practice it. Will I manage? Maybe?? I feel a little better already.