Getting to know you, getting to know all about you…

This is what I have been singing to my kitchen last weekend. It is not quite finished yet, but it is useable! After a very long time I can wash up in a normal sink rather than in the bathroom. In fact I even could use the dishwasher. I have not had a working one for such a long time that I will need to get used to this luxury. Things are looking up. I even have a gas stove working and an oven which will cook the way I want it to cook and not according to its own whims. My old one was totally unpredictable. And it is fan forced too if I happen to want to use this function.

My new microwave is also an upgrade on the old one. The old one, in fact, was not that difficult to beat. A friend who stayed at my place during one of my prolonged visits in Poland decided that the place really needed a microwave and got one from ebay paying $A10 for it.  Unbelievably clever girl. It was a rather aged appliance but it was made to last. And it did last a long time and functioned very well to the last day. Times changed and I do not expect my new one to work that long. What a shame I did not take a picture of the old and faithful, one should treasure old friends.

I have used my new washing machine already but I will be singing to the oven, stove and dishwasher in the next couple of days. I never was the one to read instruction too carefully, but I promise myself to do it this time. Maybe not 100%, but I will try to be more diligent about it. I may even discover some unexpected functions?

I must say that the kitchen exercise was a very hard one. I thought I had experience in installing new kitchens but this was the hardest of all. For over a month nothing in the house functioned as it normally does. The whole place was dirty and the thin dust covered everything no matter how often I dusted and washed the floors. The dust will stay with me for a while but I see the end in the tunnel.

I wrote all the above the last weekend and then on Monday my not so favourite tradesmen came in and we were back to noise, dust and very poor workmanship lasting the whole day.  Why their activities lasted so long it is beyond my comprehension. The results were not that impressive and the list of outstanding tasks is not yet closed. Even a new item has been added – replacement of my brand new, not yet used cook top. It was badly scratched while installing the fan above it. This really upset me and I was definitely not inclined to sing. I am still not singing even if few days later some progress has been made and the promise of replacing the damaged cook top was made; even without any unpleasant dispute.  I was surprised by rather courteous behaviour that was rarely on show earlier. My intervention in the office may have brought some changes in behaviour.

After this experience, I declared – no more new kitchens for me!

What puzzles me still is – who will pay for four or five full days of installation activities that were not included in the original plan. My stove was not exactly cheep either. The future customers of the company that has rather good reputation will have to pay for inefficient and unprofessional work at my place. And how many past mistakes were built in in the price of my kitchen. I am mulling over my duty towards future clients and ask myself the question – escalate or not escalate?

A sincere bitch?

This is another self-indulgent and self-analytical post. Is there going to be anything in this little feuilleton of general interest? I hope so, but can not guarantee it. I will attempt to make it a bit humorous in spite the mood I am in at the moment.

Will this space turn into a kitchen?

I am emerging from a kitchen depression. I was going to have a new dream kitchen but very quickly the process turned into a nightmare. I am just coming to terms with the situation which in fact has improved considerably. It is work in progress and this means my home is disorganized, still dirty even if I clean things every day. Many little and not so little steps are ahead of me and the kitchen. This is the third kitchen I have been installing in the last ten years. One would think that I have the needed experience and should have known what to expect. At least I thought so. I was wrong. This one is going to be the most expensive of the three and the lowest quality of them. Is this the difference between Australia and Europe? Or was it my mistake in making the choice of the company? One of the kitchens was installed in Sydney but it was Ikea, European design and furniture.  Hmm…

Work in progress, future kitchen still in the boxes

Last weekend I left the battle ground of my disappointing kitchen to spend time in a great company of my former work colleagues and now friends to see the Sydney Biennale at Cockatoo Island. Traditionally, I left my camera at home so I do not have any pictures from the event. Need to change this habit of forgetting things.

The three of us had a great friendly time and during the lunch we started to reminisce the old times. Or rather my two friends talked about the times when we all worked for a big bank on critical projects. I mainly listened. Our responsibility was then heavy, mine perhaps most heavy of us three. One of the friends was always saying that her work objective was not to hit the Australian news. She was responsible for production support of critical banking systems. It may seem over-dramatic, but I do not think now that it actually was. Old legacy systems responsible for all accounts of the bank could go belly up one of the nights and the banks could not open the next day.  This would be sensational news in Australia and very bad news for us. I was responsible for it all. Big responsibility and big stress with which we lived every day. During our friendly lunch when the old stories were being recalled the old me was emerging and I suddenly saw myself in a new light. It was not a pretty picture. Command and control manager (me, oh, oh) not tolerating excuses, sloppy work or public service type of approach to work. On top of that I was a successor of person who was nice, friendly and had understanding of imperfect human nature. During the lunch I found out that people who wanted to talk to me always checked “the weather”. Meaning my mood. Talking to me must have been unpleasant and difficult. When I try to look at myself from the perspective of my team, the picture is not that pretty. Demanding, often stressed, busy. One could say – a bitch. To cheer myself up I recalled that at the same time some people considered me sincere. A sincere bitch, then. 

 

 Does not sound any better, hmm… Seeing myself in this new light, I had very mixed feelings. I liked part of the old, younger me, even admired some parts, I had courage, skills and perseverance, but I felt sorry for the person who put her personal life on hold and then lost the most important relationship of her life, regretted the health consequences of prolonged stress, felt sorry that for a long time there was no time for friendships or fun other than work. Then, work was my fun. This may seem questionable, but then such was my way to live. The way I have changed now and if I had a possibility to turn the time back, I would live my life differently. Would that be much better? How could I know?

Why Japanese films are boring?

Actually, in my opinion they are not boring, but in many of the Japanese films action is slow. This may seem boring in the current fast world. I have not seen many Japanese films recently to make firm pronouncements on their nature, but I have an intention to find opportunities to see more of Japanese films in the future. Yesterday I saw An, film directed by a woman, Naomi Kawase and I was spell bound watching it. Yes, it was slow, the story was simple, beauty of actors was subdued and without a glossy makeup, there were many prolonged takes of nature. Could the film be considered boring? The cinema on Saturday afternoon was full and nobody left the theatre till the very end of the credits. Obviously the film was not boring to those who decided to see it.

                                             

The story is about people who are not really successful in their lives. A pastry maker struggling with paying his debts and making a living by producing dorayaki, sweets he does not like and never eats, a school girl whose only friend is a canary and she can not even keep in it a rented unit and a 76 year old woman still isolated from the wider society after old illness and she lives in leprosarium. Also the story is about making  an – a sweet read bean paste which is a part of doryiaki – two small pancakes with the red beans paste between them.

 

I would say that the story is also about love, acceptance, appreciation of nature and  carpe diem. It makes us see what is really important in life. Maybe I was never too far from having similar values as the film presents, but it was a strong reminder to live by the values not only admire them from afar.

 

The most happy and adjusted is Tokue, old woman who suffered from leprosy in her youth and then had to remain outside the normal life stream longing for contact with young people. She is kind and loving towards people, animals, nature and the red beans she lovingly transforms into a very special paste. The actress Kirin Kiki is fantastic in her role. I would very much like to see her in other films. She accepted her situation even if many would consider themselves hard done by fate ha others would consider, very hard life. And she makes others see beauty of what is around them, bringing joy and appreciation of their life. The pastry maker and the school girl are transformed under influence of Tokue. They become happy. They start to smile. The film made me see again and very clearly what makes a life a good one and that happiness is in small things always surrounding us.

 

The film represents a very stoic approach to life, I would say. But it may be so that I see, these days, all things through my aspiring stoic glasses.

 

It is a very much a feel good film and maybe even sentimental, but this has its value to me who is currently going through an upheaval of installation of a new kitchen.  Any feel good messages are much needed and appreciated.

 

I have been wondering on complexity and inconsistencies of human nature. I have a picture of cruelty of Japanese people, coded somewhere in my subconscious, and here we go, the film which shows completely different side of Japanese nature. Both of the sides must exist, but how do they coexist?

 

When the film finished I felt calm and quiet as if I had meditated for 113 min. 

 

I would strongly recommend the film for those who can cope with movies that are far, far from action films. My rating is 9 out of 10.

 

Are good people always naïve?

I came across a confirmative statement – good people are naïve. Such statement can be interpreted in more than one way, but any of interpretations I can come up with turns out depressing.

If it says that there is no good in life, so only naïve can hope that their goodness is meaningful. This would mean that reality is never good, including intentions, relationships, trust in others and many, many things I would like to believe in without feeling that I am a sucker.

Another interpretation could be – if you are a good person you will be taken for a ride. Maybe it is actually the same side of the goodness coin.

The reason why I have embarked on such a subject is based on being rather self-centered. For quite few years I felt uncomfortable about one of assessment of me as a person. It was one of those management courses when you are supposed to learn about management and also about yourself as a leader. Each evening we worked in groups of four people preparing final presentation for assessment of our suitability as managers. Our group was a difficult one as we all wanted to run the show their own way. We worked till late hours and towards the end of the week sleep deprivation was a problem of us all. I thought that we will never agree on what and how we should present. Each evening when we came to our room somebody would be standing with a marker in front of the whiteboard. Marker was power. The sad point was that each day it would be somebody different and we did not move forward.

What I want to write about now is an assessment I got from the three of my colleagues. We were supposed to fill in a questionnaire about personal traits of the others.  I scored “sincere” as my top characteristic on which all the other three this time had the same opinion. What surprised me was that I was not happy with the assessment. It is actually positive – open, non deceitful, genuine. Why did I feel put down by it? It seemed to me that they were saying that I was naïve, gullible, weak and lacking development powers of analysis (sic!). Who? Moi?

                                              

I did not like it, but I had to accept their observation even if it has bothered me ever since. When I came across the statement about good meaning naïve, it caught my attention. There have been events in my life when I assumed that people around me can be trusted and then, at times, I was proven that my expectations were incorrect. Was I too naïve? Possibly. Should I change my approach to experience less disappointment in my life? My answer is NO. My choice is to see good in people. Not as a blind assumption, but after positive initial assessment,  I want to trust rather than suspect deceit. It may be that I will be hurt and disappointed more than I could if I took a different approach, but not to trust permanently is beyond my capability. It looks that I chose naivety as a part of sincerity as a companion of living my way. 

                                                   

I have been house bound for two weeks now, with mess in the house and in my thoughts. People coming and going, raising dust and noise and I still do not see the end to my future kitchen project. What is emerging does not seem to be what I had imagined, some disappointment is sneaking in. This is a difficult time for me and this may be the reason for choosing odd subjects for writing.  

Working on becoming a stoic

While I may have been born with analytical abilities, I was definitely not born a stoic. I heard about stoicism, the term is often used in everyday Polish language. Funny that, Poles are typically not blessed with stoicism. Emotions rule too often. For some reason and after many years being emerged in Swedish culture, I though it would be good to learn more about the stoic philosophy. I started to read. It may sound very highbrow; nevertheless it has been a genuine interest. I started with Don’t Worry, Be Stoic by Peter J. Vernezze and being encouraged I moved to more difficult reading. Marc Aurelius has been on my night table for a while but I have not managed to read it to the end. I may come back to it one day, who knows. However, I managed to read and understand Seneca’s Letters to Lucilius. My impression was that the advice given to the young Roman politician was a sound one and current it its message. I could even apply it to my XXI century life. Twenty five centuries after Seneca. Amazing.

When one is interested in a subject, one picks up more sensitively from information radar. Listening to a podcast from a Polish radio I came across an interesting discussion with an author of a book about stoics. It must have been one of those synchronicity coincidences. The talk was interesting and I thought that I’ll buy the book when I am back in Poland. My favourite niece studied philosophy. How clever and impractical of her. I envied her the courage to chose such subject.  Talking to her, I asked if she heard of a new book about stoic ideas. By that time I forgot the title and the name of the author. Martyna thought a while and then she said – It must be Pete, he lives around the corner from us. I know him. This came as a bit as a shock. Book about philosophy written by a neighbour who must be in his very early thirties or even younger? Would the book be worthwhile reading? Such a young person has not have a chance to experience life, I pronounced. I did not buy the book at that time. However, talking to the mother of my philosopher niece, I changed my mind. The mother has been reading the book and she liked it. And I respect my sister in law opinions. Apparently the book is nicely structured and the young Pete who is really serious Piotr Stankiewicz (sorry Piotr for earlier lack of confidence in your writing) does not try to teach elders to suck eggs, but presents excerpts of Seneca, Mark Aurelius and Epictetus which he comments. He does it very well.  The book is like translation ever current ideas, even if formulated 4 B.C., to current language and situations. Now the book Art of Living According to Stoics is on my Sydney night table. And I read it systematically.

As my life is full of challenges at the moment, I am remodeling my kitchen, the book is a great help. I am diligently working on understanding what I can influence and act on and things I cannot influence and stop worrying about them. Since worrying is one of my inborn talents, working on getting rid of it will take a while. I am optimistic that I will manage one day. This is Work In Progress for me. I follow Seneca's advice and keep learning how to live.

Am I writing feuilletons?

I have been blogging for a while now and from time to time I wonder what it is that I actually write. Wondering about my writing genre may be a presumption. This term is for literary folks and I am only a person who likes reading and writing and at times needs to clarify thoughts and believes through blogging. Nevertheless, I notice that my blog covers varied subjects. Book and film reviews, traveling impressions, events from my personal life, my observations on varied subjects.  My mind seems to need a better structure or a justification why it is OK to write haphazardly as I seem to do. If I have constant readers (one can always dream), they may want to know what to expect from my new posts. And I am all over the place. Should I change it? Maybe I should, but then it might not be authentic or spontaneous.  And after all I am writing mainly for myself.

One day the long forgotten term feuilleton came to my mind. This is a popular term in Poland, but I can not remember hearing it for some time.  Apparently, even if the term is used internationally its meaning varies from country to country.

Wikipedia says:

Feuilleton was originally a kind of supplement attached to the political portion of French newspapers, consisting chiefly of non-political news and gossip, literature and art criticism, a chronicle of the latest fashions, and epigrams, charades and other literary trifles. The term feuilleton was invented by Julien Louis Geoffroy and Bertin the Elder, editors of the French Journal des débats in 1800. The feuilleton may be described as a "talk of the town",^[1] and a contemporary English-language example of the form is the "Talk of the Town" section of The New Yorker.^[2]

In Polish press terminology the term feuilleton (Polish: felieton) meant a regular, permanent column in a magazine where episodes of novels, serial press publications  and other items on entertainment and cultural issues were published.

The Feuilleton is a writing genre that allows for much journalistic freedom as far as its content, composition and style are concerned; the text is hybrid which means that it makes use of different genre structures, both journalistic and literary. 

                                                                       
                                             

I like the highlighted bit best – much freedom is my thing. Freedom is even one of my core values, most likely causing some problems in my personal life. Looks that I need to pay the price, for sticking to my values, without complains. On reflection, I decided that what I write could be called feuilletons. I rather like this classification.

Further the Wikipedia says:

The tone of its writing is usually reflexive, humorous, ironic and above all very subjective in drawing conclusions, assessments and comments on a particular subject.

Unlike other common journalistic genres, the feuilleton such is very close to literary. Its characteristic feature is lightness and wit evidenced by wordplay, parody, paradox and humorous hyperboles. The vocabulary is usually not neutral, and strongly emotionally loaded words and phrases prevail.

I like it even better. Maybe I am not there yet, but this is a great guide to follow. It gives me freedom without feeling like I do not know what I am all about. So, now I have a label - I will write feuilletons. Ufff….

P.S. I received a couple of comments saying that there is no need to analyse a nature of my writing. I objected mildly as I like analyzing, such is a little weakness or strength of mine.  Then this morning I came across a statement by Laurence Sterne - to define - is to distrust. Really? It made me stop and think (analyse???). I never heard the name of Laurence Sterne before so I checked and found out that I have another hole in my education to fill. He was an Irish novelist of XVIII century. The portrait was painted by Joshua Reynolds, so he must have been famous in his times. But how about his rather unsettling statement. I obviously tried to define my writing, or maybe even myself. Hmm..... Something to think about. Or maybe comment?