The Man Who Knew Infinity

My interest in films returned with more quiet time in the kitchen renovations. Not that the kitchen is finished yet, but we are now into cosmetics and my nervous system is coming slowly back to normal. I started to have better results in bridge and consequently I am back to enjoying it. I still have problems to concentrate on reading heavier books like Adam Phillips (I have his there books on my table waiting for better quality of my concentration) but seeing films is not beyond my current mental capacity, so went to see The Man Who Knew Infinity. I am glad I saw it as the film has not been screen for a long, two days later is off already. This may say something about its attractiveness, but I liked it and would recommend it but not to those who like action movies or love stories. Actually this film is about love but not necessarily romantic type even thought there is a bit of romance as well serving to highlight hero’s life priorities.

The film is about a self-taught Indian mathematics genius Srinivasa Ramanujan who traveled to Trinity College, Cambridge where he stayed five years surprising respectable and famous professors (like Bertrand Russell) with the depth of his conclusions to which he did not think it was necessary to supply proofs. The most involved and revolutionary mathematical theories came to him from nowhere. From God? Definitely from some higher power talking to his subconscious. This is the true story and Ramanujan really lived, albeit a short time and made serious discoveries in mathematical analysis and numbers theory. Most of his theorems have been proven by now and serve us somewhere in the scientific background of our every day life. This is deeply philosophical film, in my opinion, and the question of how Ramanujan  knew what he announced, in such profusion to the stunned professors at Trinity College, does not have an answer. The only answer that comes to my mind is that God exists and is active in our reason driven life. The story of Ramanujan is almost a mathematically based proof of that.

The film is also about an unlikely friendship of two people, an English mathematician G.H. Hardy and mainly self taught very unconventional Indian young man Ramanujan. Jeremy Irons who plays the English professor is absolutely wonderful in this role, but isn’t he in all his roles? He is to me. In this film he is more handsome than ever, but this is rather beside the point.

                                 

Dev Patel is good in his role, but somebody said that it is time he played a villain. I think there is something in it. He is a bit sugar coated in this role as well as he was in Slamdog Millionaire. I still liked his performance a lot, he is convincing playing a young man bewildered by other than his own realities. One can see his growing acceptance and resignation to it. 

One of my detours in life was studying pure mathematics for five years. I did not turn out to be a real mathematician, but these five years were useful and it gave me a powerful message – if I could do that, I can perhaps do almost anything else, it should not be harder than the five years of math. Maybe it was not a detour but an important part of my life education?

I got a glimpse of infinity when a professor presented us with a model of a universe being a circle without borders. My mind went into overdrive and this was my chance to understand the beauty of mathematics. I did not take this chance. Regrets? Maybe…

My talented student fellows were not your conventional people. They were forgetful, eccentric, and sometimes really strange. They loved music and they lost themselves in it. They loved mountain claiming risking and sometimes loosing their lives in the process. They dressed in a most strange fashion. Matching socks were a rarity with some. So when I read that G.H. Hardy was an eccentric, I did not agree with this opinion. He was about normal being a talented mathematician. This is how I know such people. What is in their minds is so absorbing that outside life is insignificant.

The film made an impression on me and woke up memories that had not surfaced for a long time. For me 10 out of 10, but this is a very personal rating. 

George Sand – a strong woman

I am not sure how well known George Sand is beyond France and Poland. I never talked about her with anyone but Poles. However, I hope she is known as she deserves to be. She was as important in intellectual and artistic circles of Paris in the middle of XIXth century as Virginia Woolf and Ottoline Morrell together were important for the Bloomsbury group almost one hundred years later.

                                          

She was a writer like Virginia Woolf. Maybe not of the same magnitude, but she was respected and admired as a writer by her contemporary literary circles of France.  Gustave Flaubert and Victor Hugo were admirers of her writing and they knew the writer's métier rather well. Flaubert addressed letters to her “Cher Maitre”. My attempt to write that in English was not very successful. Dear Master? It somehow does not sound right.  

                                                

George Sand was also a society hostess similarly to Ottoline Morrell and they both were famous of having many lovers. The most known lover of ten years was Frederic Chopin. Possibly because of this particular liaison most of Poles know her name and some facts from her life. Chopin lived many years under George Sand roof and was close to her children particularly her daughter, Solange.

                                   

George Sand love affairs were known, widely publicised and often critically judged. I must say that for many years I also disapproved of her conduct. And then I heard somebody say: “Nothing wrong with having many relationships. If love is important to a person, then the person searches for this true love and this close person”. Since one of the most famous quotes of George Sand says - There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved – no wonder she kept searching. Hmm… I thought and changed my mind about her love conduct.

George Sand is really a pseudonym of Aurore Dupin. Aurore rightly thought that signing her work with a man’s name will be beneficial to be treated seriously. She went much further than just signing her work as George Sand. She also dressed as a man and she did not behave in a girlish manner. She even smoked cigars!  All together a scandalous woman and I admire her courage to be so very much controversial herself.

                                                          

As I am out from the closet and shamelessly admit to be a feminist, my admiration for George Sand is only natural.

One of her quotes I especially identify with is:

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.

This is not scandalous woman saying, this is a wise human being saying.  

What prompted me to think and write about George Sand is news of recently published diaries of her in Polish translation. I heard that it is a beautiful edition and I would love to have it. If I read it all I am not sure. It consists of five books. On pictures they look so beautiful! There is big part of the diaries that is dedicated to Chopin as a composer and the author’s views about his talent would be most interesting to read. She observed him composing for so many years that I would like to know her insight. I have asked my dear Polish friend and my literary guide Raf to buy the books and hope to read some of them when I go again to Poland. Hope it will be soon.

                                   

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you…

This is what I have been singing to my kitchen last weekend. It is not quite finished yet, but it is useable! After a very long time I can wash up in a normal sink rather than in the bathroom. In fact I even could use the dishwasher. I have not had a working one for such a long time that I will need to get used to this luxury. Things are looking up. I even have a gas stove working and an oven which will cook the way I want it to cook and not according to its own whims. My old one was totally unpredictable. And it is fan forced too if I happen to want to use this function.

My new microwave is also an upgrade on the old one. The old one, in fact, was not that difficult to beat. A friend who stayed at my place during one of my prolonged visits in Poland decided that the place really needed a microwave and got one from ebay paying $A10 for it.  Unbelievably clever girl. It was a rather aged appliance but it was made to last. And it did last a long time and functioned very well to the last day. Times changed and I do not expect my new one to work that long. What a shame I did not take a picture of the old and faithful, one should treasure old friends.

I have used my new washing machine already but I will be singing to the oven, stove and dishwasher in the next couple of days. I never was the one to read instruction too carefully, but I promise myself to do it this time. Maybe not 100%, but I will try to be more diligent about it. I may even discover some unexpected functions?

I must say that the kitchen exercise was a very hard one. I thought I had experience in installing new kitchens but this was the hardest of all. For over a month nothing in the house functioned as it normally does. The whole place was dirty and the thin dust covered everything no matter how often I dusted and washed the floors. The dust will stay with me for a while but I see the end in the tunnel.

I wrote all the above the last weekend and then on Monday my not so favourite tradesmen came in and we were back to noise, dust and very poor workmanship lasting the whole day.  Why their activities lasted so long it is beyond my comprehension. The results were not that impressive and the list of outstanding tasks is not yet closed. Even a new item has been added – replacement of my brand new, not yet used cook top. It was badly scratched while installing the fan above it. This really upset me and I was definitely not inclined to sing. I am still not singing even if few days later some progress has been made and the promise of replacing the damaged cook top was made; even without any unpleasant dispute.  I was surprised by rather courteous behaviour that was rarely on show earlier. My intervention in the office may have brought some changes in behaviour.

After this experience, I declared – no more new kitchens for me!

What puzzles me still is – who will pay for four or five full days of installation activities that were not included in the original plan. My stove was not exactly cheep either. The future customers of the company that has rather good reputation will have to pay for inefficient and unprofessional work at my place. And how many past mistakes were built in in the price of my kitchen. I am mulling over my duty towards future clients and ask myself the question – escalate or not escalate?

A sincere bitch?

This is another self-indulgent and self-analytical post. Is there going to be anything in this little feuilleton of general interest? I hope so, but can not guarantee it. I will attempt to make it a bit humorous in spite the mood I am in at the moment.

Will this space turn into a kitchen?

I am emerging from a kitchen depression. I was going to have a new dream kitchen but very quickly the process turned into a nightmare. I am just coming to terms with the situation which in fact has improved considerably. It is work in progress and this means my home is disorganized, still dirty even if I clean things every day. Many little and not so little steps are ahead of me and the kitchen. This is the third kitchen I have been installing in the last ten years. One would think that I have the needed experience and should have known what to expect. At least I thought so. I was wrong. This one is going to be the most expensive of the three and the lowest quality of them. Is this the difference between Australia and Europe? Or was it my mistake in making the choice of the company? One of the kitchens was installed in Sydney but it was Ikea, European design and furniture.  Hmm…

Work in progress, future kitchen still in the boxes

Last weekend I left the battle ground of my disappointing kitchen to spend time in a great company of my former work colleagues and now friends to see the Sydney Biennale at Cockatoo Island. Traditionally, I left my camera at home so I do not have any pictures from the event. Need to change this habit of forgetting things.

The three of us had a great friendly time and during the lunch we started to reminisce the old times. Or rather my two friends talked about the times when we all worked for a big bank on critical projects. I mainly listened. Our responsibility was then heavy, mine perhaps most heavy of us three. One of the friends was always saying that her work objective was not to hit the Australian news. She was responsible for production support of critical banking systems. It may seem over-dramatic, but I do not think now that it actually was. Old legacy systems responsible for all accounts of the bank could go belly up one of the nights and the banks could not open the next day.  This would be sensational news in Australia and very bad news for us. I was responsible for it all. Big responsibility and big stress with which we lived every day. During our friendly lunch when the old stories were being recalled the old me was emerging and I suddenly saw myself in a new light. It was not a pretty picture. Command and control manager (me, oh, oh) not tolerating excuses, sloppy work or public service type of approach to work. On top of that I was a successor of person who was nice, friendly and had understanding of imperfect human nature. During the lunch I found out that people who wanted to talk to me always checked “the weather”. Meaning my mood. Talking to me must have been unpleasant and difficult. When I try to look at myself from the perspective of my team, the picture is not that pretty. Demanding, often stressed, busy. One could say – a bitch. To cheer myself up I recalled that at the same time some people considered me sincere. A sincere bitch, then. 

 

 Does not sound any better, hmm… Seeing myself in this new light, I had very mixed feelings. I liked part of the old, younger me, even admired some parts, I had courage, skills and perseverance, but I felt sorry for the person who put her personal life on hold and then lost the most important relationship of her life, regretted the health consequences of prolonged stress, felt sorry that for a long time there was no time for friendships or fun other than work. Then, work was my fun. This may seem questionable, but then such was my way to live. The way I have changed now and if I had a possibility to turn the time back, I would live my life differently. Would that be much better? How could I know?

Why Japanese films are boring?

Actually, in my opinion they are not boring, but in many of the Japanese films action is slow. This may seem boring in the current fast world. I have not seen many Japanese films recently to make firm pronouncements on their nature, but I have an intention to find opportunities to see more of Japanese films in the future. Yesterday I saw An, film directed by a woman, Naomi Kawase and I was spell bound watching it. Yes, it was slow, the story was simple, beauty of actors was subdued and without a glossy makeup, there were many prolonged takes of nature. Could the film be considered boring? The cinema on Saturday afternoon was full and nobody left the theatre till the very end of the credits. Obviously the film was not boring to those who decided to see it.

                                             

The story is about people who are not really successful in their lives. A pastry maker struggling with paying his debts and making a living by producing dorayaki, sweets he does not like and never eats, a school girl whose only friend is a canary and she can not even keep in it a rented unit and a 76 year old woman still isolated from the wider society after old illness and she lives in leprosarium. Also the story is about making  an – a sweet read bean paste which is a part of doryiaki – two small pancakes with the red beans paste between them.

 

I would say that the story is also about love, acceptance, appreciation of nature and  carpe diem. It makes us see what is really important in life. Maybe I was never too far from having similar values as the film presents, but it was a strong reminder to live by the values not only admire them from afar.

 

The most happy and adjusted is Tokue, old woman who suffered from leprosy in her youth and then had to remain outside the normal life stream longing for contact with young people. She is kind and loving towards people, animals, nature and the red beans she lovingly transforms into a very special paste. The actress Kirin Kiki is fantastic in her role. I would very much like to see her in other films. She accepted her situation even if many would consider themselves hard done by fate ha others would consider, very hard life. And she makes others see beauty of what is around them, bringing joy and appreciation of their life. The pastry maker and the school girl are transformed under influence of Tokue. They become happy. They start to smile. The film made me see again and very clearly what makes a life a good one and that happiness is in small things always surrounding us.

 

The film represents a very stoic approach to life, I would say. But it may be so that I see, these days, all things through my aspiring stoic glasses.

 

It is a very much a feel good film and maybe even sentimental, but this has its value to me who is currently going through an upheaval of installation of a new kitchen.  Any feel good messages are much needed and appreciated.

 

I have been wondering on complexity and inconsistencies of human nature. I have a picture of cruelty of Japanese people, coded somewhere in my subconscious, and here we go, the film which shows completely different side of Japanese nature. Both of the sides must exist, but how do they coexist?

 

When the film finished I felt calm and quiet as if I had meditated for 113 min. 

 

I would strongly recommend the film for those who can cope with movies that are far, far from action films. My rating is 9 out of 10.

 

Are good people always naïve?

I came across a confirmative statement – good people are naïve. Such statement can be interpreted in more than one way, but any of interpretations I can come up with turns out depressing.

If it says that there is no good in life, so only naïve can hope that their goodness is meaningful. This would mean that reality is never good, including intentions, relationships, trust in others and many, many things I would like to believe in without feeling that I am a sucker.

Another interpretation could be – if you are a good person you will be taken for a ride. Maybe it is actually the same side of the goodness coin.

The reason why I have embarked on such a subject is based on being rather self-centered. For quite few years I felt uncomfortable about one of assessment of me as a person. It was one of those management courses when you are supposed to learn about management and also about yourself as a leader. Each evening we worked in groups of four people preparing final presentation for assessment of our suitability as managers. Our group was a difficult one as we all wanted to run the show their own way. We worked till late hours and towards the end of the week sleep deprivation was a problem of us all. I thought that we will never agree on what and how we should present. Each evening when we came to our room somebody would be standing with a marker in front of the whiteboard. Marker was power. The sad point was that each day it would be somebody different and we did not move forward.

What I want to write about now is an assessment I got from the three of my colleagues. We were supposed to fill in a questionnaire about personal traits of the others.  I scored “sincere” as my top characteristic on which all the other three this time had the same opinion. What surprised me was that I was not happy with the assessment. It is actually positive – open, non deceitful, genuine. Why did I feel put down by it? It seemed to me that they were saying that I was naïve, gullible, weak and lacking development powers of analysis (sic!). Who? Moi?

                                              

I did not like it, but I had to accept their observation even if it has bothered me ever since. When I came across the statement about good meaning naïve, it caught my attention. There have been events in my life when I assumed that people around me can be trusted and then, at times, I was proven that my expectations were incorrect. Was I too naïve? Possibly. Should I change my approach to experience less disappointment in my life? My answer is NO. My choice is to see good in people. Not as a blind assumption, but after positive initial assessment,  I want to trust rather than suspect deceit. It may be that I will be hurt and disappointed more than I could if I took a different approach, but not to trust permanently is beyond my capability. It looks that I chose naivety as a part of sincerity as a companion of living my way. 

                                                   

I have been house bound for two weeks now, with mess in the house and in my thoughts. People coming and going, raising dust and noise and I still do not see the end to my future kitchen project. What is emerging does not seem to be what I had imagined, some disappointment is sneaking in. This is a difficult time for me and this may be the reason for choosing odd subjects for writing.